People always ask:

“I’m starting to save, and it’s beginning to hurt. How do I save without feeling like I’m saving?”

At first glance, you might think: What kind of fool question is that?

But I am not guilty to admit that I thought the exact same thing when I first started!!!

When I first started budgeting and thinking about my money, I felt like saving was being in a horrible mental prison.

“I am making all of this money, 70% of it is going to debt each paycheque, WHY THE HECK DO I NEED TO SAVE THE REST? ARRRRRRRGH!”

It was torturous to see my money disappear so quickly towards debt, and then to know I had to spend another 30% of it in bills and a small, small bit of it on fun.

I didn’t see the point. I felt angry. I wanted to go on shopping binges.

I wanted to do MORE. Buy more. More of everything.

I felt like life was not fair, why didn’t I learn about money sooner, blabbedy bla bla….

*cue the waterworks and the pity-me princess routine*

After I got over myself, I realized that my focus on money, debt and saving was very negative.

So how do I do it now without throwing a mental temper tantrum at life?

My Secret: Change your focus

I needed to change what I was doing from being negative (crying about deprivation of money and stuff), to being positive.

I am doing what  I did before (actually, MUCH more), and I’m happy doing it…(which is something I never thought I’d say).

I can still buy anything I want

I tell myself all the time:

You COULD buy that if you wanted to.

But do you? Really?

Is it going to improve your life significantly?

Or do you just want it as an impulse purchase?

Think about the precious space it’ll take up in your suitcases when you move — is it worth the space & weight?

99% of the time, it’s just my inner repressed shopaholic lusting after something shiny and new, but then my saver personality takes over and is way more practical.

So yeah. I can truly buy anything I want if I set my mind to it.

I just CHOOSE not to, which is very different from not being able to.

…and saving money is the happy result!

My #1 priority is not to buy things to clutter up my life and physically tie me down anywhere (hence the aversion to home ownership), or otherwise known as “minimalism”.

I choose not to buy.

I don’t buy what I don’t need or really, really, really want.

Since I don’t buy anything I don’t want, I save the money.

And the more I save, and the more I realize how unnecessary STUFF is to make me truly happy, the happier I get thinking about and using what I already own.

It sounds so New Age-y and strange to get happier over time, but it’s true.

My top 3 happy (PG-13) buttons:

1. Great, stimulating & fun conversation (BF, Friends, Bloggers, Socializing in general)
2. Delicious food – it’s seriously orgasmic when it’s done right. Totally makes my day.
3. A really great night’s sleep

So, what are your triggers to save? Are you happy to be doing it?

I don’t want to wait! I kind of want to enjoy it now, not in a year.

Ahhh … delayed gratification.

No one wants to wait for an iPod.

But you know what, unless it’s a fridge or something really essential to your daily life and habits.. it can wait.

Even if it’s a BBQ, and it’s in the middle of summer, with the steaks sizzling all around you.

If you can’t afford to pay for it in cash and still make all of your bills, then don’t buy it.

Hey, at least I didn’t buy the $150 version.

Buying the $50 one is like saving $100!

SPAVING, even.

(FYI: Spaving = Spending + Saving or Spending to Save)

I l-o-v-e-d using this justification when I shopped blindly.

It was such f*cked up math and logic, but it worked in my head to let me justify a bad purchase.

Nothing is saved until you put the money in the bank and leave it.

I deserve a treat, it’s a reward for such a long, hard day at work

You had a bad hair day, someone yelled at you, and you need a pick-me-up.

So you head to the stores and SPEND.

Retail Therapy right?

Trust me, I know what kind of high it is.

It feels awesome to get the purchase, you feel like a lion who has just scored a big juicy zebra.

But that high doesn’t last. It’s fleeting.

And afterwards, you kind of feel sick, looking at your unnecessary, probably UNWANTED purchases.

Who really needs another black top in their wardrobe?

Sure, financial security isn’t as sexy as buying a flashy pair of red patent leather heels.

But without the security, you feel unstable.

Being financially secure and of having solid savings banked to help you weather  through tough storms, is a feeling of security, not sexiness, that will last and help you sleep better at night.

Think of it as an investment in sleeping better and de-stressing.

You only live once

We’re young! Live once in your life. Spend. Money will always come and go.

But when you’re old, whatever shall you do? Eat out of cat food cans? Beg for money? Wish you had done things differently?

Regret always leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

Carrie Bradshaw, the Queen of Investment Shopping

It’s an investment

Yeah. Investment shopping. You buy new clothes and shoes for your wardrobe because you go to work to make the dough.

Those clothes and shoes are an investment in your career!

True. But that only works once. After that, you’re just wasting money on a false justification.

A true investment is something that makes you money over time.

If your shoes or suit does not appreciate in value over time, then it is not an investment.

What are some of the lies you tell (or have told) yourself?

Re-Gifting Slip Ups

You decide this year, that you are set for gifts.

You have a whole closet full of nice, but not-for-you gifts that other people are sure to love.

So you package up that beautiful distinctly ruffled cream button-up too-preppy-for-you J.Crew top, and re-gift it to your friend for Christmas.

Before Christmas, you trade gifts early, and you hand your (re)gift to her to open.

But.. oh wait. Is that a look of recognition on her face!?!?!

CRAP.

SHE was the one who gave you that sweater last year!

And like a dumbass you forgot to label who the gift came from, and for what holiday, so you’re caught in a re-gifting trap.

Horrified, you spend the rest of your life, buying her brand new, expensive, over-the-top gifts to compensate for the guilt of being a thoughtless re-gifter.

And as a bonus, you keep all the gifts you don’t love in fear of someone asking you how you liked those pair of reindeer print pants they got you 3 Christmases ago.

FB’s Advice:

Well what’s done is done. You re-gifted and were caught red-handed.

All you can do, is laugh it off (or at least try to), apologize and come clean.

It just wasn’t your style, and seemed better suited to her style. (Which is the truth, right?)

Next time, label who and for what occasion you received those gifts, and stop re-gifting within the same circles.

Or, the next time you re-gift, come clean and say it’s a brand new re-gift that just wasn’t right for you, but is perfect for your friend.

Oh, and don’t keep what you don’t love. At the very least, wear it and laugh, or donate it.

Procrastinating Peter

It’s the very last week, nay, DAY before Christmas, Hannukkah or Kwanzaa officially starts, and you’ve been putting off this nasty task of trying to find the most thoughtful, yet inexpensive gift for each of your family members, friends, neighbours and co-workers.

You’re out in those stores who are cleverly opened until midnight, trying to get everybody on your list done in one fell swoop.

Never mind that trying to get people on a list “done” defeats the purpose of a thoughtful gift, you end up spending more than you should because you are just at a loss for WTF they need and/or want.

And everybody loves an iPod Nano, right?

The second scenario is you find the perfect gift, but didn’t make it to the post office in time to send it on the cheap.

So now, to send a $25 gift to your nephew, you end up spending $50 on just the shipping costs alone.

FB’s Advice:

Start earlier next time.

Make it a point to write in your calendar, smartphone, organizer, whatever, that you MUST get all of your holiday shopping done at least 2 weeks in advance.

That means by the first week of December, you should be D-O-N-E like a matzoh ball soup.

And as for the procrastination on the shipping fiasco?

Just learn from your mistakes and get to the post office sooner.

I mean really, Hannukah is flexible on the dates, but Christmas is ALWAYS on the 25th. What’s the deal?

Some strategies that might help:

1) Getting a personal shopper because they really know their stuff.

And they loooove their jobs.

So if you can afford to fork over a small, reasonable fee for their time, give them the list and they will run out, happy as clams with a budget and thoroughly enjoying the challenge of finding the right gift that you are going to approve.

You avoid having to do it yourself (let’s face it, it’s a hassle) and it’s like having a filter set in place.

The shopper brings back a list of things your niece MIGHT like, and you just choose one gift from there. Done.

2) Or, you can just make a weekend of it, rope in some of your friends who have similar lists and are just as clueless, and start working as a team to buy what the others buy for their nieces or nephews.

Two heads are better than one, or so they say.

3) Lastly, you can just grab a friend who loves to shop, and make him help you find gifts for people on your list. For free. And all for a small price of a Grande Latte at Starbucks.

You’re struck by the Holiday Bug

You end up getting your babysitter, dentist, doctor, mailperson and each of your co-workers just a little “something”. At $20 a pop and for a list of maybe 50 people, that’s $1000 more than you can afford!

And your kids? They’re such great kids, they deserve more than what you got them. You feel like getting them each something extra special.

Or you get this Rachel Zoe-inspired idea that the holidays should be celebrated with one, huge, fabulous, all-encompassing, festival, with your grandparents, parents and siblings flown in for a huge bash hosted at your home and paid for entirely, by you.

Why? Because you have very good intentions, but for the holidays, money is no object when it comes to the health and happiness of those you love, and you just want to show as much love as possible.

FB’s Advice:

The holidays are not about gifts and money, contrary to advertisements and the overwhelming pressure to be better, bigger and more flashy this year.

Sometimes, simple is best, and less is more.

Don’t give gifts to people you don’t normally tip, talk to or gift.

They’re going to get caught off guard and have to reciprocate with a Guilt Gift of their own.

Or worse, you feel resentful because they didn’t even get you anything in return!

As for the big bash? Why would you do that to yourself?

If you can afford it, great! Send me an invite and a pair of tickets.

But if you can’t afford it, then don’t over promise and under deliver. If you feel like you really must do something, make a handmade card and write all the goods things you’ve ever wanted to say to your family in the card.

Guaranteed, they’ll cherish that heartfelt gift forever over a big, fancy, splashy bash at your home.

The Perfect Gift Fallacy

You haven’t quite found the right gifts yet. But in the mean time, how about this handy tool box?

Or this scrapbooking kit? Someone on your list is SURE to love it!

At the end of the two weeks, you’re down $500, with no “perfect” gift to show for anyone on your list.

Or how about when you look into your closet, and all the great, perfect little gifts you bought for everyone in the summer, suddenly look sad, dull and not-quite-what-you-were-expecting.

You rush out, and end up buying a boatload of new gifts, forgoing the sunk cost of the gifts you had already purchased earlier in the year.

Or worse, end up giving double what you had originally wanted to give by giving the gifts you had already bought and the gifts you are going to buy!

FB’s Advice:

When you make a list of people to shop for, make sure when you whip out your wallet to pay for the item, you have the EXACT person in mind you want to buy the item for.

Cross them off your list, and move on.

And if you buy gifts earlier in the year, then consider yourself holiday-shopping-free.

Start taking the time to package the gifts, writing the little cards that go with each of the gifts, and patting yourself on the back for a job well done.

Now that the holiday season is approaching, it’s time to break out some posts about how to keep your spending this holiday on track.

Every holiday is special in its own way, but the trend seems to be: GUILT.

Even armed with the best intentions to stay on budget this year, everyone has gone through these phases: feeling guilty for spending too much, too little or not on enough people.

Others, might see the holidays as carte blanche to let loose, break out that credit card from its frozen block in the freezer, and let ‘er rip.

So before you go shopping for the holidays (those of you who are eager beavers to get started early), keep these guilt traps in mind.

The Dreaded Homemade Gift Guilt

You decide to go smart and frugal this year. Let’s bust out some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies you say.

I can wrap it in a pretty bow in those cute jars I’ve been saving, handwrite a sweet note and send it along with my love.

Then you finish baking.

You look at the cookies all neatly wrapped, and suddenly feel like it’s not enough.

You decide to bake brownies. The normal kind, not the happy kind.

Then you decide a handmade picture frame would complete the gift.

And so, on and so on.

FB’s Advice:

STOP! Make a decision to make great cookies, with a handwritten note and be done with it.

They’re going to love it. Stop stressing.

You put a lot of time an effort into the gift, and there ain’t no one I know in the world who would turn down their nose at such a delicious, comforting, straight-from-the-heart gift.

If you feel like you must add something, add the recipe for the white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.

And don’t forget to send me a jar.

Outdoing yourself

You bought a gorgeous cashmere sweater for your sister for $50 on sale. But it looks like $300.

And you couldn’t resist.

She MUST have that Hello Kitty doll as well (or is that just me?). Now we’re up to $80 for the gift.

Now, your handmade photo montage in a picture frame to your parents and a $20 gift certificate for a dinner out, seems cheap in comparison.

So you add a little something extra and get mom a massage kit.

But what about dad? You can’t just get something for mom and not dad.

And so on, and so on. It doesn’t stop!

FB’s Advice:

It IS enough. Stop.

No one sees price tags on gifts, and they only see the thought and heart that goes into it. When in doubt, give food to everyone.

And set a budget so that you don’t go over for each person.

Maybe your sister had it extra rough this year, and needs a little extra pick-me-up.

Your parents aren’t going to Google and find out the price of everything.

They’re going to love the thought you put into the frame and just be happy to have you back home with them.

(OMG, do they even know how to get online!?!

My parents don’t even know how to turn on a computer.

You’re totally safe.)

The Uh-Oh Surprise!

So, you didn’t expect this.

Tom, Mary and Jim chipped in to get you a kinda expensive little lamp for your desk, to help with your nearsightedness and to give your desk a little chic touch.

Crap.

You didn’t have gifts for them. Now you have to get them something.

But there was 3 of them!

Do you buy 3 items? Of equal value to the one item you got? Or a third of the cost each?

This is getting confusing. You just decide to buy 3 items, of a higher value than what you got just so you can be sure it’ll be well received.

Let’s just make sure they’re all of equal value, or else you’ll have to outdo yourself and keep adding little extras here and there.

FB’s Advice:

Okay. You have to of course, reciprocate. But why do you need to reciprocate with a gift, per se?

Why not take them all out to dinner? 3-birds–but-only-1-bill.

But next time, if it’s just one person who catches you off guard like your neighbour or your friend, consider a thank you dinner date, or a gift certificate to where they always seem to be shopping.

Or consider baking them something yummy.

(Or buying said baked goods and pretending it’s yours. No one will know. I didn’t say that.)

The One-Up Jonesing

Okay so.. last year, you gave your friends a pretty little Christmas decoration for their tree, because you know they’re into that stuff.

The next year, they reciprocated with a little battery automated vacuum bot because you were always complaining about the dog shedding all over the place.

Then, you decide to buy them a set of gorgeous porcelain plates to add to their collection.

And they reciprocated with an amazing back massage machine that surely cost more than a set of plates. You feel like your gift this year, of a set of pretty plates just didn’t compare.

So now, you’re thinking that you need to give them a case of wine this year, since they’re real wineheads…

But they end up reciprocating with a pair of expensive Broadway tickets to the sold out show in town.

Now you’re amped up. You want to do better than a pair of Broadway tickets so you aren’t caught off guard with a “dinky” gift again this year.

Maybe a pair of tickets to the Caribbean….?

FB’s Advice:

Time out. Stop. Stop the presses.

This one-upping Jonesing of each other will never stop. You will never go back to just giving each other Christmas decorations for $10 any more, if you start upping the stakes every year.

This is a dangerous poker gift game, and you just need to stop, and give them some homemade cookies to end the rivalry, and the damage to your wallet.

Yes. Cookies and baked treats are my answer to any and every gift.

Why?

A) you can eat them and they won’t leave a lingering sense of guilt or a mess

B) it’s more heartfelt when you make them something and they get to enjoy it immediately

C) there aren’t any hidden costs (an iPod needs a new hard case too, you know)

D) it’s eco-friendly — you aren’t buying them new things, you’re just making something from what you had at home

E) they will smell good in the home during the holiday

F) they won’t have to bake anything for themselves

G) everyone loves baked treats even if they say they don’t

Did you recognize yourself in any of these situations?

I did.

If not, stay tuned for Part 2. We are sure to find your poison.

Next: Major Holiday Busters Part 2

I think most of the answers to many problems in life can be summed up in 2: Hard Work.

HOW DO I GET OUT OF DEBT?

• Face your financial situation. (Hard Work)
• Keep track of your expenses. (Hard Work)
• Make a budget. (Hard Work)
• Get another job or a second one. (Hard Work)
• Cut back on expenses. (Hard Work)

HOW DO I GET A RAISE AT WORK?

• Keep track of all of your accomplishments in detail with numbers. (Hard Work)
• Work hard at being good at your job. (Hard Work)
• Ask for one at your review. (Hard Work)

HOW DO I LOSE WEIGHT?

• Eat less. (Hard Work)
• Exercise Regularly. (Hard Work)
• Be constantly vigilant about making good food choices. (Hard Work)
• Don’t eat a bag of chips every day. (Hard Work)

HOW DO I IMPROVE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE/HUSBAND/BF/GF?

• Admit you need to put in more effort. (Hard Work)
• Talk less, listen more. (Hard Work)
• Ask about their day and genuinely listen. (Hard Work)
• Take care of them once in a while. (Hard Work)
• Watch your own attitude to see where you can improve. (Hard Work)

HOW DO I BROWN BAG MY LUNCH EVERY DAY TO SAVE MONEY?

• Plan your meals out. (Hard Work)
• Cook/prepare everything on Sunday for the rest of the week. (Hard Work)
• Resist the temptation for a juicy burger around the corner. (Hard Work)

What I’m trying to get at, is that there is no magical solution, pill or answer.

And sometimes hard work isn’t the ONLY answer. Luck plays a big role in life too.

But it’s a good start.

You just need to work hard, and that includes getting in sync with yourself and making a plan to find out what you don’t know so that you can reach your goal.

It’s not easy, and it sucks ROYALLY. But people who are successful, do what it takes with their blood sweat & tears to get what they want.

The threshhold for being amazing is 10,000 hours.

You have to put in 10,000 hours of work and practice to become good.

You may have natural talent and ability, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

To become the best pianist in the world? They have practiced over 10,000 hours.

And even if they don’t get it on the first try, they are primed to reach it eventually and it becomes easier and easier.