The Boxing Day deals weren’t that great.

I tagged along with BF when he went on a hunt for something he wanted, and the deals were so-so this year.

There was a huge line that snaked around the Future Shop on Ste-Catherine on the 26th just before 1 p.m. when the store opened

We got out of the car, saw the line, got back in and went home.

I did see that Forever 21 had a 30% off everything sale, but they had nothing I REEEAALLLY wanted to buy.

(How do I know? I cased out the store beforehand of course. And I am also reminding myself that I am on a wardrobe ban.)

And even sitting here, thinking about it — I don’t really need or want anything bad enough that I want to stand in hail (yes hail!) to wait for it.

Sure, I WANT things.

A digital piano, an e-book reader, and a couple of portable Western Digital 1TB hard drives as a short list.

• But can I delay the purchase? Yes.
• Have I not been able to do anything because of not owning said item? No.
• Would it change my life drastically? No.
• Am I willing to pay the current price? No.

Maybe I am at a point where this has now become a habit rather than a challenge, or in the past, as a way to save money:

I am now making sure that whatever I buy has a real purpose and improvement to my life.

It’s definitely something that took 3 years and counting to get to this point, and while I feel as though I am not done yet, I am definitely over the hump

Coasting from here on out!

It just helped that the deals on Boxing Day were not for anything I wanted.

But I do feel bad for my friend who bought the 60″ TV for a hefty price tag 2 months ago when he could have purchased one yesterday for $700 off.

Ouch.

Deb from Deb’s Daily Thoughts (shared by the awesome mmmeg in my Google Reader Shared Items), wrote a post called Christmas and Shame.

I highly recommend you go read it.

Here’s a choice paragraph from Deb:

So we were poor, and I got one Christmas present from “Santa Claus” every year, while my friends and neighbor children racked up.  I was ashamed…ashamed of the raggy clothes I wore, ashamed of never having anything nice, ashamed of my family, ashamed of my measly Christmas gifts.

I understand where she’s coming from.

I had a similar story that still follows me to this day.

I even have a photo to remember it by.

It’s a sad little 7 year old at a Christmas bash, in neon green, ill-fitting clothing (literally, the “long” pants came up to my knees, I was at least 2 years too big for my first Christmas outfit), sitting and staring glumly at another little girl prancing around with her 50 presents.

We didn’t have money for Christmas that year, my parents said.

So my parents went to the Christmas gathering but didn’t give anything to the kids (theirs or others).

What did I get from that family? A little teddy bear. That’s it. $2, probably on sale at Sears.

I still remember feeling a huge wave of tears being forced down my throat, because I felt like so alone and unloved.

(I was a kid!! What did I know about materialism?)

My parents (well, my mom), looked helplessly on as I sat there, depressed, and my dad didn’t really understand that he couldn’t treat us like mini adults quite yet.

And that presents at that age, mattered.

Especially when you had this small, little teddy bear to compare to the mountain of gifts given to another little girl of your same age.

The thought of even giving me a little teddy bear was a kind gesture on their part.

But I still feel like after seeing what transpired, the family should have been more sensitive to our financial situation, and not had a HUGE bash and big deal out of the other girl opening all of her presents.

They KNEW we didn’t have money.

And they purposely made a big deal out of the gift giving, to brag about what they did have to give their family.

I just kept getting smaller and smaller, watching her open and toss aside each gift.

Deb writes:

So I stopped celebrating Christmas when the kids were gone.  I haven’t celebrated it in years, haven’t put up a tree, haven’t bought gifts, nothing. 

This year, my sons are hopefully coming from their far away homes to have Christmas with me.  I’m trying to get excited, but all I do is cry, because this year will be like all the rest.  I can’t afford to even give them gifts. 

All I can do is decorate and bake.  I know that because they love me so much (more than I deserve) it will be enough for them, but it will never be enough for me.

And my heart goes out to her because I know how it feels.

But I feel incredibly different from what she is describing.

I don’t feel guilty, undeserving, unhappy or low on the holidays at all.

(Yes we have different circumstances, but I also never got a gift for any special occasion after I turned 10).

So I thought I’d share a couple of conclusions that I’ve realized about myself.

Maybe it’ll help others who are feeling the same sort of shame.

1. I STILL l-o-v-e that teddy bear.

He’s still with me, his mouth worn out from kisses, and his fur all matted down from playing games with me and my siblings to keep us occupied.

I’m pretty sure that other little girl in the photos had so much to play with, that she never really loved anything she got that year, for the same 20+ years I have loved that lone, single Christmas teddy bear.

And in hindsight, it was a good thing for me to NOT expect so much at Christmas.

It may have turned me into an incurably materialistic little FB.

I also ended up loving everything I owned or received unexpectedly, which made it better than wishing you had a pony for Christmas.

 

2. Now, I don’t put much stock into gifts at holiday time

Don’t get me wrong.

I still LOVE the holidays, with people rushing around, excitement in the air, everyone chatting about how Aunt Lucy is going to LOVE her gift..

I love the atmosphere, and I revel greedily in the feeling of happiness.

But I don’t give gifts at holiday time, I rarely send holiday cards, and I don’t receive holiday gifts.

I’d rather call, go out to eat or have a coffee with the people I love.

It sounds sad to some people when I say it, but it’s exhilarating how liberated you feel.

No holiday lists.

No spending of money trying to figure out what the other person wants.

No stress of trying to outdo anyone or to deal with family who really pushes your buttons.

No gifts!! —- (Extra clutter that gives you GUILT sucks)

 

3. I’ve switched out Christmas shame and guilt for Inner Happiness & Minimalism

Less clutter, and more love is my philosophy.

When I DO give the occasional gift to people, it’s unexpected (not on their birthdays or holidays), and it’s something they need or REALLY want that’s practical.

Maybe it comes from the fact that my family halted gift giving once you turned 10.

(Arggg, cheapos! )

But when my dad or my mom DID give me a gift, it was out of the blue and totally unexpected.

My mom still does it to this day!

She’ll ask me to come back and see her, and she’ll have new dresses purchased for me that immediately made her think of me, so she had to buy it for me.

Sometimes I want to tell her I don’t need anything, but my mom gets more pleasure out of it than I do.

No ulterior motive, and no real purpose to give the gift, except to give it out of sincerity and unexpectedly.

People (myself included) seem to be the most surprised and happy when it’s a surprise out of nowhere with no forced purpose.

I’m not saying this attitude is any better or worse than what most people do, but it’s the way I feel.

I don’t know what changed over the years, but I’ve eventually just seen forced gift-giving as a burden and this sounds cliche, but I wanted to be the opposite of that.

I don’t even miss it.

I don’t feel the shame.

I don’t feel guilty.

And I’d rather have food. 

So Deb, you can bake for me any time

It’d be the only gift I’d want!!!

I’ll admit. I used to spend about $70 a month on beauty things. Trying out new eyeshadows, Bare Escentuals foundation, concealers, mascaras, hair products, shampoos, lotions.. you name it, I spent it.

Now, my beauty and toiletry spending has been very low. Like… $10 a month or less.

It’s because I stopped dying my hair, wearing a lot of makeup, and makeup everyday, the cost of keeping myself up has gone down.

I really just wear minimal makeup to work, heavy duty when I go to events (but then I find it makes me look a bit older so I tend to lay off the makeup or at least, use techniques that make me look more natural).

What I do spend a lot on is lotions for my skin like moisturizer, exfoliants, toners, cleansers, and acne fighting agents.

What I’ve mostly purchased from is Paula’s Choice, and her stuff is not cheap at around $20 a bottle. I think I spent $90 the last time I went on a splurge and bought enough stuff to last me for the next couple of months and longer since I use small dabbed amounts.

My budget used to be $50/month, but now it’s around $15 a month and if I don’t spend it, I throw it into savings and pull on that if I have to when I go on my little yearly purchase of toiletries and makeup when I run out of products.

Other than that, I find that my skin has responded better to not being covered in makeup, I don’t spend money on buying makeup removers to remove this makeup, and my hair has gotten a lot softer, shinier and more manageable.

(That of course, will NOT put me off wearing makeup or experimenting if only I had girl friends in the city to play with )

Not only that, it helps de-clutter your bathroom and give it more of a minimalist feel.

Which would you prefer, a bathroom filled with half used bottles?

Or a bathroom with just a couple of well-selected products?

It looks more visually appealing with less products, and you also don’t feel as guilty that you didn’t use up all of that lotion before buying another fragrance.

Some options of what to do when you have too much:

1. Toss anything that’s hardened or expired

2. Give them away. It could be a neat thing to try it, like a sample for your friends. It’s also a frugal way to try out your friends’ unused products as well

3. Use it all up and ban yourself from buying any more products until #1 or #2 has been completed

To be honest, I don’t want too much choice.

I mean, I want choice. I want about 3-6 choices, and that’s it. I don’t want to be shown 50 different things, because there are a couple things that could go wrong:

1. I end up liking all 50 and now have to go through and rank them until I pick the top choice
2. I get confused and end up not wanting anything at all

So how does this play into decluttering my life?

Simple. I cleaned out about 50% – 60% of my closet just so I’d only have my favourite things left. My favourite purses, jackets, dresses, necklaces.. you name it.

With all the choice I had before, I actually felt guilty for not wearing a necklace I liked but didn’t love.

I felt guilty for not having worn that pair of pants I got altered for $10 for one presentation.

That kind of guilt, weighs on you.

And now that I don’t have those things there to remind me to feel guilty, I don’t.

I just love what I have and for whatever I choose to wear or use, I’m happy with instead of being guilted into it.

(Who knew a necklace could guilt you into wearing it?)

ONE FB GIVEAWAY THIS MONTH!

Some of you had a positive response, others more neutral in a “hey, it’s your home, do with it what you want”…

While others are still challenging me (albeit a tad rudely), unable to believe that I could be happy in such a space because THEY couldn’t imagine living there.

I guess it’s a good thing you don’t then. Because I’d probably hate to live in your place

Do you look around and smile when you are in your home? Because I do.

Of course we do. *odd look*

We smile every time we see the view and each other.

We don’t focus on things when we’re in our apartment, things like paintings or stuffed animals.

Please note that I’m not saying it’s a good or bad thing to want to decorate, I am just trying to explain that there ARE people out there like us who don’t like to decorate in conventional ways.

I think.. you may not be understanding what I am really trying to get across in terms of our view.

I’d show a picture but that’d give away where we live. Literally.

See, we don’t walk in and just stare at our walls. When we walk into our home, the view is right there, front and center. The parks, the river, the city landscape and the sky.

THAT, is our view and what makes me smile.

Seeing the people outside our apartment, the trees and the sun streaming through everything. It’s relaxing just to watch the view and see the birds land on our ledge, hop around and chirp (we’re on the highest floor).

When we talk to each other, I focus on BF and he focuses on me, or our eyes wander to the view that we have from our apartment.

We don’t actually have any spots in the home where we sit and stare at a blank wall. I’d rather just decorate where I DO spend time staring — my laptop.

aladyinred says that my place looks like a student starting out, empty, bare and not her style because let’s face it, I’m sleeping on the floor

Harsh. I find your comment quite rude, to be honest.

You’re passing judgment on a lifestyle that is not your personal style.

Can’t you just accept that people like us exist and don’t think we’re living a bare bones student lifestyle, and that we CHOSE to live like this?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you find comforting, warm and beautiful is not what I find comforting warm or beautiful.

Where you see beauty in hanging items on walls, we see junk.

I for one, can appreciate people’s beautiful homes, am an addict of Apartment Therapy, home decorating shows and I love to see how people decorate their space.

So yours might be quite appealing to me the way you’ve decorated it, and I might appreciate it… but for my own style, I can’t live day-to-day in that.

As a student, I never lived like this. I had all the conventional decoration and all the cheap knickknacks all around my room.

I wasn’t happy, because I didn’t have any restful places to let my eye wander towards. It was filled with clutter.

By choice. Not because I want to be a minimalist or not have furniture (those are bonuses).

We sleep on the floor by choice, because we can’t sleep in a regular bed.

We could buy a platform to make it look like a traditional bed but that’d just be the same thing to us, and going against our whole idea of not decorating for others.

We don’t see our apartment as bare.

You do, because you might like to decorate and smile at things you own, but we don’t need stuffed animals to remind us of people. I have one teddy bear, and she sits on my bed with me when I read, which makes me smile.

I don’t like displaying things. I don’t like displaying little teacups, little knicknacks, stuffed animals, pictures, prints… that stuff is not really our style. I hate fake flowers, I hate tables that aren’t big enough to hold anything of interest, and standing picture frames drive me mad when they’re propped up on a table.

We like actually having items to be able to use, that are functional, and still nice to look at.

Bottom line is: WE like it. YOU don’t live here. I’m trying to just show a way of life that may appeal to others. Clearly, not you.