The age old question is: as a woman, would you marry for money?
Most people feel that saying money is important in a relationship is tatamount to admitting you’re a golddigger, and you might as well get some f*ck-me pumps and start investing in plastic surgery so you can start scoping out your first Mr. Moneybags.
I don’t believe that at all.
Money IS important in a relationship.
It is as important as you want it to be, and is as big of a deal as making sure you are both on the same page in regards to values, religion and so on.
I am not saying you need a millionaire so you can stop working and live your life as a lady of leisure; I’m acknowledging that money plays a big role in relationships, but only as big as a role as you want it to play.
People get divorced because they marry for love, but then the money tears them apart. Reality sinks in and they aren’t on the same page about money, or they never were because they never talked about it seriously.
Think about it:
If you end up with someone who has no money at all and most importantly, is not willing to get off his butt to work and contribute his fair share, how are you going to pay the bills?
Feed your future kid (if you want any)? Plan for your retirements?
It’s nice to think that love will conquer all, and in some cases it does, but you do need someone who is willing to work as hard as you are at the relationship, and that includes talking about and managing money.
The bottom line is if you love someone, you two will always find a way to make it work money-wise if you’re both smart and have the same values.
Love for me, is more important than money, but I am also realistic (now I am, anyway) about what else makes a relationship really last the test of time. Ideally, you’d want both 🙂
I am also very confident that I simply don’t need the money of someone else to live.
That brings me to my biggest question in all of this golddiggin’ debate:
Why not aim to be the woman who makes and saves the money too?
Why do I have to go after an investment banker when I could be one myself?
(It’s also great if you and your partner want you to be a stay-at-home-wife/mother, which is both of your decisions, but I’m talking about myself in this situation.)
Maybe not an investment banker, but someone who makes a decent wage and if need be, you can support yourself.
I don’t need to rely on anyone to take care of me financially. Perhaps it’s just my personality but I’d like to be financially independent.. forever, and then choose to be interdependent with my partner.
To rely on them when I am on maternity leave, to ask them for help if I need it, but to not be 100% reliant on their wallets.
This isn’t a fully hypothetical musing that is a pie-in-the-sky-dream either.
I have friends and I have met friends of BF who all work at pretty amazing jobs and are financially independent from savvy investing and money management.
The best part of all (the kicker), is a lot of them have kids. At least 2 kids, and one woman who is a VP in a company has 4.
They’re beautiful, happy, productive, interesting women who haven’t ever felt the need to chase after a cash cow to marry, because they are the cash cows (so to speak).
I don’t even believe for a second you need to have a high paying job to feel like this.
You’ll just have to spend less and have lower expenses than someone who makes more money, but the principle of the matter stays the same.
In conclusion, money is important in a relationship but only as important as you deem it to be.
For women who are considering chasing/marrying money, and assuming they’ll will divorce in 5 years when their husband finds a younger model, consider that it might be less work and more personal satisfaction if they rely on themselves to make bank.