Why is it that it seems like women always have to seem to be the nice ones?
When men aren’t the nice ones, they’re not called bitches.
They’re called hardasses, which is not as negative as being a “bitch”.
When slapped on one cheek, we can’t fight back.
We have to turn the other and say: “Sorry for offending you. Here’s a brownie I baked. Please forgive me.”
But when we DO fight back in the same spirit, we’re called “mean” and “hostile”.
The rule has always been that I respond in like:
If you’re rude, I’m rude.
If you’re kind, I’m kind.
But for some reason when BF does it, it’s seen as being a take-charge, confident attitude because he knows what he wants and he’s going to get it.
When I do it, I’m being an aggressive bitch.
I’ve observed this when we negotiate for our rates as consultants.
They are always aggressive on the phone, asking you to lower your rates because their margins are “razor thin”.
This a typical game they play to try and get more money in their pockets because $10/hour is not chump change.
It’s $20,000 a year. ($10/hour x 50 working weeks x 40 hours).
We use the same words to ask for what we want, and even with the same tone and delivery – firm and final.
I get attacked when I do it, and BF gets respect.
I was also told that I am an “aggressive” person who has to learn how to compromise because I might have to work with them again (i.e. play well with others), whereas BF is a “confident” person who knows what he’s worth, and is just asking for a fair rate.
We aren’t even asking for the same rates.
I’m asking for a good $30-$40 lower than he is, in many cases, because I’m adjusting for years of experience.
In the end, instead of being a confident and assertive person who wants a fair rate, I’m a raging, career-crazed woman who’d probably eat her young if she could find the time to have any.