Living at home with your parents: The scoop

January 11th, 2010 by FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com

Living with your parents at the age of 19 or coming back when you’re 23, and 26, can be both annoying, but also comforting.

I found that over the years of not physically living with my sometimes very demanding, annoying parents, was that I grew closer emotionally.

I called my mom more. On a whim, just to hear how the family and she was doing.

I emailed my dad more, to show him pictures of food we made, and to promise to come back.

I actually even tried to get more sisterly with my brothers, and tentatively, it’s still walking on hot coals for some parts. But it’s getting there.

You sometimes need to move away to get closer.

So, what have your experiences been like? Mostly positive I hope.

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  1. Just because the parents are smart doesn’t mean their kids are
  2. This doesn’t really feel like my home.
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  4. What’s a Stay-at-Home Mom Worth These Days?
  5. Fighting our own battles
  6. It takes a village to raise a child…*snort*

Posted in Thoughts | 20 comments

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  • Jimmy

    In most cultures, kids only move out when they get married and sometimes never at all. A family is forever, but we in the United States are delusional of course and most Americans don't know what love is nor ever experience it. If my parents ever asked me to move out I would consider their love conditional and fake. I would love to live with my parents again.
    My recent post The Just Doing my Job Excuse

    • http://www.FabulouslyBroke.com FabulouslyBroke.com

      I guess I\’m of the \”most\” cultures then. I moved out when I was single, but I don\’t see a problem with coming back and living with them (paying my own way of course).

  • http://www.dogatemyfinances.com dogatemyfinances

    My parents and in-laws live in the middle of nowhere, so this was never really an option, but I think I would only do it as an absolute last resort.

    Where I grew up, plenty of kids still live with their parents as adults, but they are generally speaking losers. Partly because they couldn't manage to get out of that town, but also because they couldn't even afford a cheap apartment in that town.

    To me, moving in with my parents would be admitting defeat as an adult. This would mean I can't make it in the city, can't carry my own weight, and that I couldn't do it on my own.

    • http://www.FabulouslyBroke.com FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com

      My experience has definitely been the opposite. But I see your point!

  • http://www.financeurlife.com Doctor S

    During college I moved out for 1.5 years starting freshmen year. I moved back in and have been living there ever since. Its now been almost 6.5 years and I have zero complaints. I have the greatest parents in the world. I remember years ago (like you said) how little things around the house would annoy me.. such as being told to take the trash out or any other chores. But its funny how we grow up b/c now I am the one around the house doing those things and telling others to do so. I never viewed it as "my house" growing up, but now I take complete ownership when something breaks. Im moving out in July after I get married and I already miss the place.

    You can tell a ton about a person depending on how they answer the question "Would you move back in with your parents"… probably would be a good interview question when looking for a roommate, as opposed to "what music do you listen to?"

    • http://www.FabulouslyBroke.com FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com

      I fought a lot with my parents when I was younger. But moving back in, I am (dare I say) wiser.

      I feel like it’s my job to take care of my parents now, because they’re getting older and I should help them.

  • http://blahsuzie.blogspot.com suzie

    oh gosh! i'm out of home now and the housework i took for granted at my mum's place- i have to do it all myself now!! yes i either had to google how to fix things or call my mum up. but i do find that i communicate a lot more with mum now than say if i was still at home. also no one can make the foods that you like or get the most stubborn stains out of your clothes than your mum ;-)

  • http://www.misformoney.net/ Miss M

    I was thrilled to move out at 18 and not look back. Sure I came home for a summer or two at first, but that didn’t last long. My parents and I are just very very different, I find living with them extremely stressful. Thankfully I haven’t been in a place where I needed to move home.

    Recently I wrote about my 40-something co-worker who lives at home and yet isn’t the socially stunted stereotype. His parents asked him to move home to help raise a younger sibling, 10 years later and he’s ready to move on. In the meanwhile he has been able to save a ton of money while helping his parents both financially and emotionally. It can be a win-win situation, I wish people would get beyond the narrow western view of what parent/child relationships should be.
    .-= Miss M´s last blog ..Ten New Year’s Financial Resolutions =-.

  • http://hklover86.blogspot.com munchkin

    I lived on my own during college and afterwards for a little bit, and then moved home for financial reasons and have been here ever since.
    I do not feel like any less of an adult or any less independant for it. I pay my parents $200 a month, which is still something but less than rent would be, so I am still able to save money. I couldn't afford to live on my own right now. I still feel independant because I pay them rent, and i pay my own bills like cell phone and car, and I also buy some of the groceries. Plus I work full time so it's not like i sit around or anything. I don't feel the need to move out anytime soon because I don't like being alone. I don't really know any friends that I could live with here, and I don't really want to move in with a random stranger. I like having other people around. I don't even like being home alone for one night! lol

  • http://paranoidasteroid.wordpress.com paranoidasteroid

    I always wished I could move back in with my parents. No rent! No utilities! Plus, I could probably guilt my mom into doing some of my laundry.

    My little sister did move back in (& had all of the above) and for some reason, she wanted to move out. Crazy!

    • http://www.FabulouslyBroke.com FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com

      I forgot about free laundry!

      No more carrying my basket down 15 floors via elevator, wondering if someone is going to steal my clothes or my machine :P

  • Katie

    There's nothing shameful about moving back in with the 'rents so long as you are doing it for a specific goal and you are (as you put it) a contributing family member. I moved back in twice during my college age years. Once when I had a nervous breakdown and had to be treated for my anxiety disorder and once after I graduated but had a few months before I moved in and married Mr.

    Both times were for very specific reasons and were for a few months only. I don't think I could live with my parents for longer than that because although I love them, we drive each other crazy. There are just too many cooks in the kitchen when you put generations of the same sex together. My mom and I actually talk to each other more now that we're 8 hours apart and look forward to seeing each other.

  • Lisa

    Lisa, I am so with you on the Mom thing. Mom and I are always butting heads when we have been around each other for too long. Perish the thought but I think it is because we are actually quite a lot alike.

    Like you though, I am daddy's girl and have always gotta along with him.

    That said if something were to happen to the one of them I would take the other to live with me if they wanted to but it would be in a separate granny suite so that we each had our own space.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with moving back in with your parents as long as you are not taking advantage of them. My 19 year old son has been living on his own for 1.5 yrs now, going to school and if he comes out our way once he is finished I won't mind if he moves back in as long as he acts like an adult i.e. contributes to the household finances, cleans up after himself etc.

  • http://www.carrieactually.com Carrie

    i've lived with my parents after moving out on my own on 2 occasions now and it's not ideal mostly because i'm an introvert and a control freak, but i'd honestly rather live with my parents rather than having multiple sketchy roommates anywhere else.

  • Joy Mari Cloete

    I moved back home at the beginning of last year. The first month was awful while everyone adjusted to having me back after 6 years of living on my own. But it became fun after the first month or so. My favourite memories from that period was Saturday and Sunday mornings when my sisters and I would go 'visit' my mom in their bedroom. We'd chat while having breakfast.

    I paid off some debt while I lived there and I gave them my furniture in lieu of rent. I had a great time and I'm just thankful that I could go back home for 5/6 months.

  • http://www.27andfrugal.com leslie

    A lot of people in this area move back home after graduating college, especially while job hunting. I think it makes perfect sense from a financial perspective. Unfortunately, neither of my parents have a living situation that I would subject myself to, so that is not an option. I couldn't imagine the adjustment of independence though. It's hard enough sometimes when I visit home for just two days!

    This definitely is more of a personal issue than a financial one, though. While it wasn't financially smart to move out of the house when I was 17, I certainly never felt guilty about leaving my parents and wish I could have done it sooner. Although I do hate to think about the amount of rent I've paid in the past ten years…

  • http://juliettemaxwell.com Julie

    I’m 21 and my sister is 28 and we both still live with our parents. I don’t have a job yet (no one wants to hire someone with a crazy college schedule like mne) but even if I had one, i’d still live here with them. Not because things get done for me but because there’s no need to. My parents are like super cool, we mostly stick to our things and are barely on top of each other. My sister is barely home (now that she’s working) and even if my dad is retired and my mum is a SAHM they both have other places to be and with school, i’m barely home anyways.

    Also, in most latin families is very common that the kids live with their parents until they get married or move to another city. It’s a culture thing.

    Personally, I would love to move closer to the financial district just to be able to be at work on time without having to wake up at ungodly hours just to avoid traffic jams.

  • http://frugalscholar.blogspot.com frugalscholar

    This is really great and thought=provoking. I have been wondering if the "traditional" US and I assume Canadian idea of absolute independence after 18 is really the best. Ditto for the retired living in a fun community of other retirees. I guess I have been wondering if other cultures–e.g. Asian–do it better.

    • http://www.FabulouslyBroke.com FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com

      I think it cannot be replicated if the parties at stake (parents, grandparents and children) don’t follow the same adherence to the rules and mentality.

      That being said, I’ve known Canadian parents who have accepted re-nesters back into the home, rent free or $100/month, a very token amount, nothing like what my parents are charging me. :)

      But I do think the idea of children staying at home until they’re married is a very Asian thing (someone correct me if I’m wrong), but perhaps Asians have it integrated more into their culture and find it more socially acceptable rather than something to make fun of someone about, or feel ashamed of.

      Many Asian parents feel perfectly fine having their own parents (even both sets!!!) move in and live with them long past retirement, paying for their housing and food, so they can be with their grandchildren in the same home, and receive personal care with a touch that cannot be achieved in a nursing home.

  • Lisa

    I refuse to move back in with my parents while my mother is still alive. lol. Once I hit my teens, she would press every button & grate my nerves to no end. When I moved out, but within the same city, it was a bit better – but she would still do the same crap.

    Now? It is a WHOLE LOT BETTER.. Only thing is that when they come up to visit or f I go home to visit (which I will be doing at the end of the month), there’s always a contest to see if I can get past 24 hrs without wantng to kill her. lol.

    I get along SUPER with my father – I’m daddy’s little girl. He’d do anything for me – even max out his credit cards by taking me on a shopping spree! lol. If Mom died before Dad, I’d probably move back home to keep an eye on Dad … ’cause he tends to forget things & get into trouble when Mom’s not around.

    And Pete wants to move back to Halifax … I told him he’ll have to drag me back there kicking and screaming. I say if my parents can drive down & spend the day with us, it’s too close. lol.