THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
Fabulously Broke’s Gripe with Men
Looking Natural is a Big Fat Myth
Guys say: I want a girl who looks awesome without makeup.
Show me a girl you’ve seen that looks awesome every minute of the day without makeup, that you are NOT already in a relationship with.
BF once said to me: I don’t see why girls have to wear makeup.
(BF has since amended his statement to: I want a girl who wears a little makeup, but nothing heavy.)
<——- Like this, is too heavy.
The truth is that any girl who looks awesome au naturel is definitely sporting some makeup even if she doesn’t admit to it.
Or in the 0.00000001% of the population who doesn’t have bags under her eyes, under eye circles, large pores, a bit of acne, a bit of wrinkling, or uneven skin tone.
We are not naturally airbrushed in real life, and we look bad under certain lighting conditions.
So looking natural?
Not really possible, even though advertising may deem otherwise.
Guys expect a certain level of something, and it doesn’t help that advertising pushes those “Oh she can look great without anything“, myths.
I CALL BULLSH*T!
Most guys are expected to be slobby in appearances
And if they aren’t….
Then we’re amazed, unhappy that they’re gay, or pretty darn sure they’re a metrosexual —–>
Guys don’t have to worry about great skin tone, plucking their eyebrows to give a nice frame to their eyes, or wearing blush so you don’t look like a ghoul!
If a guy has a really hairy body, he says:
That’s just the way I am.
Love me or hate me.
If a girl sports the tiniest hint of armpit hair (a la Julia Roberts): People get all up in arms!
Women are under more pressure to stay young!
Men get better with age (George Clooney, anyone?), or so they say.
<——— Exhibit A
But women in society are helpless, as they are expected to not have any traces of white hair, wrinkles, or show any signs of aging.
We spend tons of cash on eye creams, wrinkle creams, skin moisturizers…
All for the sake of looking younger, because that is where society places the most value on in terms of women’s looks.
Sad, but true.
You can decide to follow it or not, but that’s where the chips are falling these days.
Some women go farther and pay every 6 months to get Botox or resort to Liposuction, whereas men don’t have to worry about wrinkles or being fat!
It’s their “charm”, remember?
And this is what women have as role models as we get older:
Things just cost more for women over men
Dry cleaning and haircuts to name the two biggest culprits.
A woman’s shirt? $5 more.
A woman’s hair? $20 more.
ARRRRRG!
It’s a catch-22 because if we decide we don’t want to pay for an expensive haircut we get flack from guys saying:
Er… that girl over there looks a bit like a Sasquatch. I don’t want to date her!
She hasn’t even been to a salon in years, and it looks it.
She doesn’t look cute, and her hair looks like a frizzy, untamed mess.
We are expected to keep up on maintenance to look decently presentable, or face laughter and derision!
Exhibit B: Susan Boyle
Women need to dress at a certain minimum maintenance level
I know that some guys prefer a girl to dress in a certain style.
Usually in a dress to be more feminine, but a nice dress that fits our body and looks good on us, is generally NOT cheap.
Guys can just throw on any old free beer t-shirt and call it Ashton Kutcher chic.
Girls? Not so much.
If we wear a free beer shirt and baggy jeans with a huge comfortable sweater, and frizzy untamed hair, we’re told that we look like men.
!!!!
And who wants to date (or sleep with) their best guy friend?
Even I am considered low maintenance, but I still doing at least 75% of the above things.
First Dates are expensive!
On a first date, a guy might:
- Wash his car
- Think about what he’s going to wear
- Brush his teeth
But a girl typically has the following schedule consisting of addressing one, some or ALL of the things:
- Brush her teeth
- Cleansing (Exfoliation, Moisturizing)
- Agonize over the perfect outfit to wear (shoes, outfit, jewelery)
- Deal with her hair
- Cut and manicure nails (Toes and Fingers)
- Waxing (Eyebrows, Legs & Other)
- Makeup
- Tanning (Fake or Real *boo to real!*)
And it continues on for the entire relationship.
The cost of maintenance doesn’t end!
Subsequent Costs in Honeymoon Phase continue to rack up
In the first blush of the relationship, I’d say a year at the most, girls are still trying to keep up appearances!
We buy all of these portable, fits-in-your-purse items to carry around an “Impossibly Gorgeous” kit for JUST IN CASE.
In the morning, when we sleep over, we’re brushing our teeth at 4 a.m. so we don’t wake up with morning breath and scare him off.
Or sneaking into the bathroom to apply a tad of concealer and blush to look impossibly fresh and gorgeous even at the crack of dawn, with just a spritz of perfume.
Guys? They couldn’t care less about smelling nice or looking good. It’s part of their “charm”.
We also spend time curling or straightening our hair, and calling it “natural”.
Relationship Maintenance continues forever
Then when the relationship moves off the honeymoon phase, and you have now stopped straightening your previously “naturally straight” hair, or wearing perfect concealer and makeup every minute of the day…
You still have to do some of the grooming and maintenance things above.
- Haircuts —- (No one wants a shaggy version of them)
- Clothes —- (No one wants a burlap sack-clad GF)
- Makeup — (No one wants a ghoul for a GF)
- Grooming — (Shaving? Exfoliating? Moisturizing?)
Even on wedding days, brides have to get EVERYTHING perfectly done to look like a perfect bride, which is a billion times more stressful than getting ready for a first date.
Men?
They just clip their nails, shave a bit, slap on some toilet paper on their cuts and head out there without any salon appointments or makeup consultations.
Even for their wedding days, they just put on a tux, drink some beer and remember the rings.
So guys, next time you complain about dishing out cash for anything you do with or for a girl…
Remember that we don’t look like this naturally without quite a bit of maintenance!
————————-
About The Battle of the Sexes
This post was just one of four like it around the PF blogosphere today.
Please check out the other contributions to this “Battle of the Sexes” hosted by the wonderful bloggers listed below.
Krystal and I strongly recommend ripping apart J. Money & Punch Debt’s arguments, because they’ve been talking smack about women all week!
The Women
- Fabulously Broke: How men cost women more money
- Krystal At Work: Who spends more? Men or Women?
The Men
- Budgets are Sexy: Women and their Shoes
- Punch Debt In The Face: Boys Rule, girls drool
- What does “dressing rich”, really mean?
- How much is your face worth?
- "But you told me I could splurge!!"
- Why the hell do guys have to pay for everything? :)
- The Paradoxes of Money & Women
krystalatwork
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 2:11 PM:
I completely agree. And while it's still more expensive for women to keep up our appearances for men, we still end up spending less than them in the long run because women are better with our money, and we are better at finding bargains.
Duddes02
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 10:06 AM:
It’s true, maintenance is soo expensive. A tiny jar of anti aging face cream that I buy costs nearly $50.
Duddes02´s last blog ..Fit Day
Investing Newbie
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 3:22 PM:
I haven't stopped by the other blogs yet, but they are on my hit list.
I may have to agree with you on this all though my personal experience hasn't always been that way. I had more of the "guy" mentality when I started going out with BF. I did the ponytail and sweats as if Tyra declared it the fiercest thing to hit the runway. It was only recently that I actually started stepping up my game to try to look cute. Then again, this also coincided with my love for fashion beginning to bud.
That said, I think if a girl has to put in some work, a guy better put in some work too. Ladies, stop letting your men slack off. Tell them to fix themselves up too when we're going out. At home, fine, be the slob, but if we're even going to the movies, don't look like you just rolled out of bed while I spent the last day and a half in front of a mirror.
Ken
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 3:25 PM:
I agree we do cost women more money. The cost is worth it. I love for my wife to look good.
I don't insist on all the extras…, new clothes..and I'm lucky thT my wife doesn't demand these all the time either. She's frugal because that's where we are financially. Interesting post!
Meg
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 4:41 PM:
This post reminds me of how glad I am to be fairly low maintenance. I don't spend much more than my husband on that sort of stuff and what I do spend money on is makeup, but I definitely spend more time.
And yes, few women look really good without any makeup. I've had many people tell me how they love that I don't wear makeup because I don't need it. Don't worry, I do set the record straight. I don't wear a lot of makeup usually and I do sometimes go out without it, but without a tiny bit here or there I usually risk someone asking, "Are you alright?"
Though, I gotta say, after switching to a vegan diet three weeks ago, my under eye circles are significantly better! And this is something I NEVER expected because I've had them since I was a little kid and they run in my family. I'm very excited since covering those up is usually the most time consuming part of my makeup routine.
That Kind of Girl
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 4:49 PM:
We really don't have to do these things. Speaking as a woman who has no motivation to lie or flatter, I can honestly say that almost all of my female friends look as good or honestly better when they're not wearing make-up, or at least nothing more than mascara. (The only few outliers are girls who have had bad acne and need some foundation to smooth things over.)
It's true that women need to be well-dressed, but I think that's in so many ways more important for their careers than for their relationships. And in lots of ways, looking nice isn't strictly a function of how much money you spend: it's more a matter of shopping for quality and spending time looking for a really perfect, flattering fit. (Something that you are such an awesome force about promoting!) A woman can look amazing in her clothes for the same cost of having a huge wardrobe of pieces that make her look like something that crawled out of a hollow tree.
I just don't buy into the myth that women need to do all these expensive, neurotic things. You don't have to shave your armpits, you don't have to wear make-up, and you certainly don't have to wake up at 4am to scrub away any traces of morning breath. It may surprise you that people will still love and respect you, but, yes, they will. At least any kind of people worth knowing.
Diana
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 11:54 AM:
I think you went a little overboard here…sure, I understand your point, that we women feel that we definitely have to put in more time, effort, money to look “naturally beautiful” while the process isn’t natural at all—but some of this is silly—waking up at 4 am to brush teeth and put on makeup? (I’ve never done that, never known someone to do that…I’m sure by the time that you are comfortable enough with a man TO SLEEP WITH HIM, you definitely need to be comfortable enough to let him see you without makeup, and with stanky morning breath) But maybe I’m just the exception?
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 12:07 PM:
Honey it’s a tongue-in-cheek post. Please don’t take it so seriously.
And girls DO do that, maybe not you, but they do it.
Diana
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 5:19 PM:
i got the tongue-in-cheekness of it, don't worry
i guess the post just got me all riled up and got my inner feminist talking, hehe. it was definitely an entertaining post, and i could imagine many, many women doing all those things (especially those certain types, of which i met in college, who would go to class in sweatsuits (Juicy ones, or VS Pink ones) but with their hair perfectly coiffed, and full face of makeup on!)
Arianne
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 5:29 PM:
Hear, hear sister!
And of course there are some of us who actually choose to spend the money on pretty shiny things *cough*
30Something Finance
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 6:43 PM:
Loving these posts today! I will have to try to get in on the next round of boys vs. girls
I can vouch for certain of these expenses, as The Girlfriend likes to keep herself looking and feeling good. But I put some time, effort, and a little money into keeping myself looking good as well…surely not as much as she does, but of course there are other expenses associated with being a man — or The Man, in my case
Eventually, when we move further down the road of life and consolidate our finances, I guess I'll have some real insight into the costs. Stay tuned!
Dwn
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 7:15 PM:
So funny! And you didn't even get into the cost of undergarments. The price of bras is ridiculous. A guy can buy a 3 pack of boxers for about the third of the cost of one of my bras. Sigh…
lenelein
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 7:19 PM:
Well, my boyfriend is the high maintenance person in our relationship. He plucks his eyebrows, shaves his body hair, knows his hairstylist by name… But he is neither gay nor metrosexual. He just likes it that way. And loves me even if I have stubble on my legs from skipping shaving for some days or if I have panda eyes because I forgot to take of my makeup after a night of partying!
girlmakescents
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 7:41 PM:
What are you talking about FB, girls never get morning breath
Mom Ninja
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 7:52 PM:
Amen Sister! Women are willing to go that extra mile for all those men who aren't yet we still love them. And can I say George Clooney an excellent referance point in any arguement!
birdie
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 8:12 PM:
OH … You might enjoy this: "What’s a one-word oxymoron? Naturalize."
My friend wrote about that the other day: http://blackdove.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/for-the...
WellHeeled
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 9:32 PM:
I think it's a sign of respect if both partners take care to look nice for the other person. True, the costs that women put into their self-care tends to only increase with time. But honestly… that should be the same for men too!
Airam
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 4:48 PM:
I must be a man then 'cause most of these things don't apply to me.
I dont' stress about dates – minus picking the best outfit to wear (but to be honest, i'll judge the guy too if i tried to look good and he obviously didnt'); i think now-a-days just as many men as women are getting plastic surgery…but i will give you the weight and body hair comment. just look at jim belushis show or movies like knocked up.
Great collabo with the four of you though. Interesting view points for sure.
J. Money
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 10:11 PM:
haha….I love how fired up you get
never thought about that first date one actually, very interesting! and TOTALLY absolutely can't take hairy armpits on a girl at all….oh man, Not even Julia Roberts, Megan Fox, any of 'em….Mad credit to those women who do their own thing, but personally it doesn't jive with me. Just like I'm sure my mohawk scares a lot of the women at church! haha….
well played my good friend, well played. when you going to invite us boys up to Canada, huh?
L.A. Daze
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 6:31 PM:
Hahaha I love this post. And it's so true. We spend so much time and money on our appearance and guys can get away with rolling out of bed, taking a shower, and putting on whatever clothes.
Although I do know a few men with expensive beauty routines
They're not gay and they're very hot!
But yes, it's not fair, and you know what, if my future BF wants me to look perfect all the time, then HE can pay for my mani/pedis, wax jobs, and whatever else. That's all I have to say to that
Lara
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 11:39 PM:
I too get really annoyed with guys who say they don't like makeup, yet all the women they're attracted to wear it, and they respond differently to me when I do than when I don't. To be fair though, that's not entirely their fault .. if you've never had to deal with makeup yourself, you probably won't be able to tell if someone is wearing it (subtly and well). I once did a guy friend's makeup (goth style) for Hallowe'en and I was putting eyeliner on him and he said "What's eyeliner?". I was seriously shocked that he didn't at least have an idea of what it was, or realize that outlining one's eyes was a fairly standard part of a makeup routine. He then asked "Is that the stuff that runs when women cry?". Heh. I have met guys who (honestly) don't give a toss about whether women wear makeup or shave or whatever (my boyfriend is one), but they are definitely not the majority.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 1st, 2009
@ 6:58 PM:
LOL!!!
I hear that
I went to a college full of those bunnies
Alexandra
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 12:54 AM:
Totally agree!
On the other hand as long as you don't overdo it, a little bit of beautification is not bad.
And I guess I wouldn't like to go to the salon and run into a guy getting a manicure, or a facial (although I'm sure there are some male specimens out there that do this). Men are supposed to be rugged (or at least appear so) so a few wrinkles, not so shiny hair and a "I don't care how I look, I just threw these clothes on" outfit goes very well with that.
Lynx
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 1:07 AM:
Hahaha fun post, I love being a guy
My relationship seems like the exact opposite then. I spend a lot of time on my hair every morning and getting ready, she works with exotic animals and children and just throws on some cargo pants, hiking boots and a super cheep shirt and refuses to wear makeup and doesnt wear jewelery whereas I like my expensive watches
Although occasionally if I slept in I'll just throw on my REI outback hat and go in more scruffy than normal, no biggie.
She has a lot more free time to look through many stores to find that ultra nice bargain and I'm more spontaneous and picky. Our shopping comparisons on black friday were something like this:
Her: Honey look at this cute $3 shirt I found today on clearance.
Me: Sweet! This t-shirt will go perfect under that eggshell and taupe plaid shirt with some black jeans. $35! ouch, but I gotta have it
frugalscholar
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 1:43 AM:
Really, you just have to find the right fellow.
PunchDebt
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 3:30 AM:
Ugh you are too good, and there are too many female bloggers around these parts. J and I never had a chance.
@Mneiae
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 3:56 AM:
You are so right. Men take way more effort than money spent. I just started wearing makeup and it's already one of my highest expenses.
SC418
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 4:35 AM:
wait, I thought you just had to do the whole upkeep thing until you know fully that the BF isn't going anywhere…
I have a feeling I'm in for a bumpy ride in the relationship department
Shawanda
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 12:25 AM:
I hear ya. Dating is more burdensome for women.
I used to sleep with chewing gum in my mouth when I stayed over night with a former boyfriend. I always had to bring my "A" game. I had one guy propose an intervention because I stopped working out. The fact that he thought I was depressed because I chose to surf the internet over working out was laughable. I wasn't even overweight!
One of the reasons I'm not that enthusiastic about dating at this point is it requires too much effort. I don't have any dating clothes or dating shoes that I'd feel comfortable parading around in with a new man. I'm considering hiding out until the spring when I'll be more willing to shave my legs and shop for sexier outfits and shoes. It may seem a little shallow, but if I'm dating I have to spend more money on hair maintenance. I got stuff I want to do before I start spending a bunch of money on trying to look appealing to a guy.
Kristin
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 6:50 AM:
I think the hubs needs to write me a check for all the maintenance that I felt I had to do to snag him. Ah ha ha
Little House
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 2:23 PM:
Love it! It may be tongue-in-cheek humor, but it's so true! (However, my husband owns way more shoes than me, and he's not a metro-sexual, I swear.)
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 10:00 AM:
*LAUGHING*!!!!!!!!!!! I am already past the major upkeep part, but I still do maintenance.. like shaving my legs etc
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 10:03 AM:
Girls are really not natural most of the time
I admit to wearing AT LEAST concealer, eyeliner, and blush when I go out to work, etc.. because if not, I just get too many negative (but kind) comments…
Then people think I’m natural but I am sooooooooooo not!
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 10:03 AM:
We smell so great in the mornings don’t we?
To my BF’s credit he has never backed away from my stinky mouth..
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 10:04 AM:
Seriously? This is enough to make me consider switching
But I think it’s more genetic
Valentina
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 11:44 AM:
No wonder women have a harder time increasing their net worth at the same pace that men do (those of us who have such a plan in place)!!!
nice post.
best…………….valentina
Valentina´s last blog ..Blog Income Life: November Results
eric1985
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 8:27 PM:
I guess it is too late for me to join in at NarrowBridge at this point?
eric1985
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 8:29 PM:
A girl's haircut may cost more, but my girlfriend only gets two haircuts per year at $40 each. Given that is double my $20 haircut, I get one every 4-6 weeks.
I know that doesn't answer everything, but it punches a hole in one of your rants!
paranoidasteroid
on Dec 2nd, 2009
@ 7:44 PM:
I think this is my favorite post of this group!
Did you ever notice that What Not Wear only does women (unless they do a "Couples" episode)? I mean, I probably wouldn't even bother to watch if they did a guy because it wouldn't interest me, but I have seem some men who really need the help. Yes, Chad is one of them!
Lara
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 4:21 AM:
Yeah, I seriously hate being told "You look tired". Nope, that's just how my eyes look without cosmetic enhancement, thanks.
I know they don't mean any harm, but oy.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 7:53 AM:
Thank you
@Chad comment: *LAUGHING* Luckily, BF sticks to his polo shirts and khakis for work, or button up shirts. But some things he buys.. god I wish I could force him to think otherwise.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 7:55 AM:
That’s nice, but she’s not the average now is she?
Most girls I know pay $60 – $80 every 3 months, for cut, colour and style.
If she doesn’t colour her hair, etc… it’s cheaper.
And my argument still stands:
For a straight up, FLAT COST of a haircut, if you go to a salon and ask for the same haircut, your GF will be charged more. Period.
Regardless of how many times you choose to go on vs how many times she chooses to go in.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 7:56 AM:
My BF definitely owns less shoes. I counted today, including house slippers, it’s 4 pairs!! 4!!!!
He wears his “nice boots” as dress shoes, because of his bad back. Or so he says
Concojones
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 3:07 PM:
FB, congrats with your blog birthday! I have the impression it's been gaining momentum lately, and I'm glad for you!
Back to topic: I'm a 27yo guy and while I acknowledge that physical appearance (and taking care of yourself!) is much more of a must for a woman than for a man, it applies to all of us. Some of the date prepping FB suggested for women seems a bit overkill to me: nails, are you kidding me?!
Most of the other items are what I'd call 'optional'.
Personally I think a tiny amount of make-up can help give you an edge, but not the way everyone's using it (in overdose, especially older women). Frankly, I find lipstick (or any other visible product) unappealing, so don't overdo it, because you might be making things worse. Just my opinion.
Also, it's not like guys can get away with wearing a T-shirt that looks moist around the armpits. I pay attention to my teeth and breath, and I'm not alone considering the number of TV commercials featuring breath refresheners and young guys on a date.
30Something Finance
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 4:43 PM:
I own 15 pair of shoes, I think.
5 pair dress shoes: 3 black, 1 brown, 1 cordovan — yes, I just said "cordovan"
1 pair black patent leather shoes (for use with tux)
3 pair casual shoes (sometimes worn to work): 1 brown, 1 dark brown boots, 1 black
3 pair sneakers: 1 for gym, 2 canvas pair
2 pair flip flops (old school Adidas slippers for gym, and a pair of brown sandals for summer)
1 pair slippers
Fire away
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 12:02 PM:
Thank you
Blog birthdays.. Ahh, first time I ever celebrated. Feels good.
Oh I have heard my girlfriends complaining about nails!!! NAILS!
I know it seems optional.. but in a girl’s head, it’s necessary.
E_Z
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 6:42 PM:
You forget to mention that most of the time, women are trying to impress other women and less so men, although that is typically the excuse. Men could care only mildly – we're like TV-watching zombies…grag, girl pretty…I like looking at pretty girl…
Bonne Vie - Links à la Stocking Stuffers!
on Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 5:48 PM:
[...] Fabulously Broke in the City: The Battle of the Sexes – How Men Cost Women More Money – True and hilarious! Part of a group effort of a few different bloggers to decide which sex is the fairer (or more expensive!). [...]
Hope to Prosper
on Dec 14th, 2009
@ 7:27 AM:
I am really lucky in that my wife is naturally beautiful. (Me, not so much). She is Islander and has incredible skin and hair. She didn't wear any makeup for the first 10 years we were married and I loved it. I was bummed when she started wearing it, but she does look great with it on. But, she is almost 40 and can't buy booze or cigarettes without an ID, so she isn't typical.
Anyway, here in sunny So. Cal. there are so many beautiful women and I think health has a lot more to do with it than makeup. Whenever I shop at a place like Trader Joe's, it seems like the place is full of gorgeous women walking around in sweats with little or no makeup. But, they just seem to glow from the inside out.
Carnival of Personal Finance #235: The Cinderella Edition | Well-Heeled Blog
on Jan 5th, 2010
@ 1:31 AM:
[...] who are more colorful and adorned to attract females of the species. But among Disney characters, do men make women spend more money? (Fabulously Broke) Cinderella has to look pretty for Charming – after all, she snagged a [...]