Comments on: Becoming a Guiltless Mom

By: FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com

FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 21:34:59 +0000

I think it’s just a question of making sure your kids understand what reality is. Some parents shelter them so much, that they come out unprepared…

By: Anna

Anna — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 19:23:18 +0000

I am in my late 30's. My mom always worked, sure I wanted to her to be at home but I always understood that she had to work; she had her own business and always made more than my dad. But then everyone's mom worked in the 80's that was life. I never restented her for it.

My kids for some reason, want me to stay at home but they also understand that if I don't work they wil not get the things that they want. There will always be guilt but we do the best that we can.

By: Andrea

Andrea — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:11:52 +0000

When the boys were first born, I was ecstatic to go back to work and drop them off at daycare! Of course, the daycare was on the company campus. I was totally guilt-free about dropping them off and going to work.

When my oldest went to Kindergarten, I quit my job to stay home and go back to school. Now both my boys are in school and I'm still a SAHM and going to college, but I also get my socialization by volunteering twice a week at their elementary school, which I also put on my resume. I'm totally guilt-free about kicking them out of my car in the morning, telling them to go to school…lol.

My plan (and my boys are well aware of and fine with it) is to go back to work when my youngest is in middle school and oldest is in high school. And I won't be a guilty parent then either!

By: WellHeeled

WellHeeled — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 03:27:19 +0000

Thanks for the link! I think I'm actually fairly good about not feeling guilty (just in general), so hopefully I will be a guiltless mom quite easily.

By: Last_Born_Child

Last_Born_Child — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 02:56:50 +0000

My mother worked full-time when I was growing up and that was just the way it was. A lot my friends had SAHMs, but I always knew my mother worked. I guess everyone's reality is different and I never questioned mine.

I know I won't feel guilty about working full-time because I don't think it is the wrong choice. I just think it will be my choice.

By: Akirah

Akirah — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 01:05:07 +0000

I would love to be a stay at home mom. Actually, it's kinda my dream job. But then again, I have many dream jobs. In the meantime, it makes sense for me to further my education and become certified social worker, because being a SAHM may not be an option later on down the road. And as I said, I want to pursue many dream jobs.

And perhaps I could be a SAHM for a season in my life. That'd be nice. My mom worked because that's what she had to do…and I love her for it. It's all about what needs to happen in order to make your family move forward — financially and emotionally.

By: Mickmack

Mickmack — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 22:14:38 +0000

Interesting topic. For myself, I was almost … relieved … to go back to work after babies one and two, so I felt guilt for not feeling guilty. I really loved my job, and I had a great lady to look after my kids and deal with all those daytime poopy diapers (much larger volume than any night time ones I experienced!). She was also an experienced Mom who could guide me in how to take my kids temperature, when to know if a rash required a trip to the doctor – things I probably would have overlooked. My plan was to work my way up in the company when the kids were young and then cut back hours when they got to school because I felt it was really important to try and be home for them after school. How much do you remember from being a baby? Yeah, not much. How much do you remember if your parent was home when you got home from school? The first adult your kid sees is the one that (likely) hears the most about the school day. By supper time, the kids have forgotten.

So, anyway. That was the plan. And then a surprise third pregnancy. I was so distraught. That third baby was *not* in the plan – moving into corporate responsibilities was. I worked on a contract basis through my parental leave … but had to admit that the stress of getting three kids out the door to the daycare was not worth it. Plus with three kids in full time daycare the monetary reward was quite diminished. With a heavy heart and after much grieving and soul searching, I quit my job and became a SAHM. Life has never been the same, but it is good. The kids are now 9, 6, and 3. Being Mommy to only one – not for me. Being busy with three, plus volunteering for Girl guides and keeping up with my sports and now doing some part time work that I can take the youngest with me – fantastic.

It is weird, but I do not even crave working full time anymore. I love my summers and Christmas off with the kids (my job matches the school schedule) and I know I have the skills if I ever needed to go back – but now I am free to go in a different direction that I never would have gone if I had stayed corporate.

By: @missalphawrites

@missalphawrites — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:45:49 +0000

Good plan! This is one of the plusses of being a writer: freelancing!

There are two really great books about this topic you might consider reading. The first is called Creating a Life the second is called Mommy Wars. The first is a psychologist's perspective on determining the the right time and helping people plan accordingly. Mommy Wars is a collection of essays by female writers discussing how they went about starting a family, the whole spectrum from full-time businesswomen to full-time Moms and how it has worked for them. Both are very empowering reads.

By: R. May

R. May — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:39:46 +0000

I'm a single mom and have no choice (although if I did I would work). It is what it is and thats the attitude in our house. Sometimes I can take off work to attend special things and sometimes I can't. But on the flip side I stay in my moderate paying job because they are crazy flexible and understanding with awesome benefits and 20 minutes from home. I do not loooooove my job but I like it and thats enough. For now I have to maitain a balance, later when she is all grown I can be selfish.

Not only are kids resilient – but they aren't stupid either!

By: Zella

Zella — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 18:29:54 +0000

Gods no. I'd be a terrible stay at home mom. My plan is to continue working, same as my husband. He might stay home some, but that's probably contingent upon him being in school… in which case he's not really staying at home, just that he has a little bit more flexibility in class arrangements– at least I did… it depends on what program he enters, I suppose.

My mother finally quit apologizing for not staying at home, and admitted that she really did love her career for the professional fulfillment and challenges within it. And you know what? I feel the same way about my career.