I lied. Solly. We aren’t going to be talking about what I am going to spend for August because I am going away for 3 weeks!!!

“But what about the spending, FB?”

Let’s just say.. I’ve already pre-paid this month’s 3 week vacation and you’ll find out what I spent the money on at the end of the month… which won’t be more than $1000 in my estimations.

I’ve already paid for the tickets & hotel in July, and the month of August will be the same $700 each month (rent, utilities.. wait.. maybe LESS utilities, and food, but the food budget will be spent while on vacation)

Instead of reading about a boring budget about what I am going to spend in August (yawn)… you are going to help me pick a KY Intense Giveaway winner instead!

Fun!!

They’re all playing for this prize pack (cute huh?):

Please keep it clean, no cheating & vote for the one you think should take the cake, so to speak.. after reading all the stories.

#1 Laundry Room Chewout

#2 Frugal Dreamer gets in trouble with the Poh-lice!

A few years ago when I lived with some roommates and I was with a now ex boyfriend, I decided that since he was driving over an hour to come see me, I would try to be romantic. We only had one stereo in our apartment and it was located in my roommate’s room. I asked her to put on this one romantic song on repeat and for them to leave. I put out some candles, had some rose pedals and everything.

The boyfriend arrived to a dim lit room and clearly knew what was about to go down. We went into my bedroom, and thankfully that same song was loud enough to hear from my roommate’s room, to mine.

As we were getting into it, we heard a knock on the door. Frantically I grab my bathrobe and look through the peephole on the front door. To my surprise it was THE POLICE! I tell my boyfriend that the cops were at the front door and to quickly turn the music off.

I opened the door and the cops said that they were called to our place due to a noise concern! I was trying to explain to him that it was just the boyfriend and I in the apartment.

He said that the complaint they received was loud music and screaming, so he didn’t believe that it was jut the two of us. Once he saw the candles, rose pedals and our robes, he started to chuckle, but clearly understood and asked us to keep it down. As they were walking away my roommates were coming home and asked if that was enough time, they were sitting in the car!!

(Bonus story: While I lived with those same roommates, my bedroom had two doors, one to come into the room and the other leading into the washroom. One night we were having sex and my boyfriend stopped randomly and had this horrified look on his face.

I turned around to see what he was looking at, and my roommate was watching us have sex through the washroom door. It was opened just a crack and I could see one eye peeking through!!

I quickly jumped off and yelled “what the fuck” and I heard her running back to her room and slam her door! We laughed at the time, and mostly at her! )

#3 Gettin’ Hot & Heavy Against the Wall

Things were getting a little hot & heavy in our living room. He pushed me up against the wall and was making out with me, and after we had lost all our clothes, he picked me up and got me to wrap my legs around his waist to do it up against a wall. And then he leaned forward, and dropped me head-first onto the floor with a massive thud.

And the downstairs neighbours heard it and started banging on our door to make sure everything was okay, thinking someone had broken a limb or something. I had a mild concussion and sported a lovely goose egg on my forehead that went from purple to blue to green to yellow over the next week, and people kept asking how I’d done that. Oh, the shame!

(Bonus Story: We went on a hike through some forest trails in [City] in the middle of the summer heat, and walked a bit off the beaten path. We could definitely still see & hear the main path, but probably nobody on the main path would have noticed us. We decided to go at it right there in the woods.

As I dropped my shorts and leaned over a tree trunk and he, uh, started to go at it…. we got swarmed by mosquitoes. SWARMED.

We got covered in bites but we didn’t want to give up on the “sexy outdoor adventure” idea so we kept going for a little while, and little kids came running by on the trail yelling at the top of their lungs. Totally killed the mood!)

#4 Fellatio Fail

My hubby is my first boyfriend – meaning, he is my first kiss, first make out, first sex.

We started as a cyber-bf and gf and when we decided to finally meet, we want to make it big time by making it an SEB (sex eyeball).

FB Note: “A Sex Eyeball is apparently meeting in person to have sex”.. don’t look at me, that is apparently what it means.

While I was giving him a head (I guess needless to say my first time to give a blowjob), for an amateur, I felt like a pro judging on his facial and body reactions. I got so carried away and feeling like a mighty sex goddess, I went on to show off that I’m really good at it – so I took his whole penis inside my mouth in an attempt to give him a deep throat. Suddenly, I felt sick and was gagging uncontrollably ending up vomiting all over his penis and stomach – with rice and a meat cooked in tomato sauce as vomitus! Yuuuukkkkk!

OMG, I just wanted to melt and disappear during that moment. He didn’t know how he would react too – because he was both disgusted and feels sorry for me. LOL!

His words after he had cleaned up the mess – you are not going to lose your virginity tonight sweety, let’s just go and grab something to eat – how about rice? hahahahhahaha! Open-mouthed smile emoticon

We still talk about it 15 years after.

#5 Caught in the act… by her sister

Ok I used to live with my sister in a 2 bdrm apartment, when my husband and I first started dating.

One night we came back to my place after the bar and my sister wasn’t home, so we started going at it on the couch (hey, it was my couch at least…).

My sister came home not long after and caught us in the act…it wouldn’t have mattered what I would have told her we were doing because um…I had discarded my thigh highs, garter and thong as we had entered the apartment.

Awkward.

She also used to throw a hand lotion bottle at the shared wall between our bedrooms when we’d get a bit too noisy…

#6 The Real-Life SATC “big pepper mill….” incident

One night shortly after my hubby and I got married we were at home and a friend called and asked if she could come over and so we decided she would be awhile and we thought we had enough time for a quick one so away we went!!!

Welllllll the bedroom was at the back of the house and the bathroom was at the front by the front door. so after all was done my hubby needed to go to the biffy to clean up and he ran to the biffy and as he was running there naked a a jay bird my girlfriend was standing at the front door and could see everything as they were glass sliding doors and needless to say she got the show of her life!!!!!

Poor girl will never be the same!!!

(Bonus story: We were trying for a baby and we were told I should try and get upside down like stand on my head to make it work better. Well needless to say after we were finished I decided to put my head on the floor with my legs up on against the bed and I couldn’t quite balance so I fell over and hit my foot REALLY hard on the end table and it was bruised for a week)

#7 Cracking the bed

I’ve been trying to think of something embarrassing, but really, I haven’t had any embarrassing sex-related stories. The worst would probably be when my boyfriend and I broke my bed. It cracked and shifted as we were doing it and we just broke down into giggles.

For months we had to get it on sideways on the bed because it would make too much noise otherwise.

#8 Business entertainment for the night

When I was pregnant I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with my Dad and my boyfriend. My dad always did business out of town, so we always had our alone time.

One night while watching a movie we decided to “GO AT IT” we heard the door open and I know everyone is saying OMG!! Daddy walked in.. but NO! he would Never just walk in our room… for that reason we decided to continue but we turned the volume a little louder on the TV.

Now we are going at it and I hear hello? hang up the phone.. I’m on the phone… and I’m like WHERE DA FUCK is that comin’ from we continue… ONLY to find out.. The cordless was Under my @$$ and we had pushed the speaker phone button… so NOT only did my Dad hear…but his Business Associate. I think I walked with my head down laughing at myself for 2 weeks LOL!

(Bonus Story: I am a short female… WHO LOVES Tall Men. So I dated 6 foot and above.. This instance I dated lets call him “BOB” well Bob was 6’10 yeah I know crazy right I’m 5’5 LOL. So one day we rented a hotel to Get busy.. We were in missionary position and BOB decided to spice it up.. IM ALL ABOUT SPICING IT UP! So Bob Takes my short leg and Tries to throw it over his head.. as this point we were so into it so he did realize his own strength or… the lack of Leg that I had.. and I knocked him out.. yup K.O. FIRST ROUND!! Who told 6’10 to throw 5’5 over his head? LOL He definitely had a sex wound to remember.. wonder what he told everyone?)

#9 Close Cyber Call

I was involved in a long distance relationship a little while ago. At the time, I was still living with my mom – a grown adult living at home…that should be embarrassing enough.

Anyways, the gf and I would talk daily on the phone and once in a while we would use webcams to see each other’s face (I think we only used it 2-3 times surprisingly – probably because I was on the road frequently for work).

The last time we decided to flick on the webcams, our usual chat (online chat in this case) seemed to have evolved into more…ah…flirty matters. Now, I should note that at that moment, my mom was downstairs in the kitchen cooking or something like that.

Perhaps it was a bit risky to get so frisky (oops…a rhyme) but figured if things got too hot, at least I could hear if my mom was coming upstairs, and “straighten” things out before she got upstairs.

So, as you might imagine, things got really good, and my seated self now had my shorts around my thighs. Just as things were getting “good”, I hear footsteps coming up.

Panic!

I shifted my webcam, closed the gf’s window and frantically tried pulling up my shorts (which would normally be easy except…well, “something” was in the way that made it more challenging).

I was somewhat successful, except it seems my butt was a little too exposed on the back of the chair.

I had hoped that my t-shirt would cover it. It seemed everything was ok, until my mom asked why my shorts were so low on my butt. I didn’t have too much to say – I can’t even remember what I said honestly.

Up to today, I’m not sure what my mom thought of the sight. But I suspect she knew what was going on, though I certainly hope not!

#10 When the parents are away.. the mice shall play…

I had been seeing a guy for about 6 or 7 months, and both of us were still living at home at the time because we were both in University full time. Both of us had just gotten out of serious relationships, so were were slow to introduce each other to the parents. His parents knew about me and my parents knew about him, but we had yet to be formally introduced.

One Saturday night I went to his house to watch some movies, etc. His parents were out of town for the weekend so we took advantage of the big screen TV and big comfy suede couch upstairs. Sometime in the middle of the movie things got frisky and we started getting it on right there on the couch.

A few hours later we made our way downstairs to his bed and crashed for the night. When we woke up the next morning, we went back upstairs to make some breakfast.

When we turned the corner, of *course* there was his mom holding one of the couch cushions in one hand and a wet cloth in the other…scrubbing off our…mess.

No one said ANYTHING at all about it, but everyone knew what had happened. What a great impression to make!

Not even seconds later, this guy’s dad walks into the room behind us and asks his wife “What are you doing?”. She just gave a look that explained it all.

Needless to say, I didn’t stay for breakfast and the guy I was seeing was much more vigilant in making sure his parents weren’t coming home early.

If you’ve missed this giveaway, don’t worry, there’ll be another coming up for the WHOLE month of August while I’m away.

P.S. you might also want to check out the sidebar on my What FB Wants site. I am also doing another giveaway from Americas Basics and having a gift prize of 3 tops!

First, Answers.

Concojones: Can you sleep without your pillows in between your legs and hugged all night on your side on a futon?

Oh it’s just my childhood thing. I can’t sleep without a body pillow. Of course you can sleep without one

I just find it more comfortable with the body pillow and I learned later on that it helps align your spine for less aches.

I usually end up rolling over on my back and throwing the pillows away, sleeping like a starfish and knocking BF off onto the floor.

Haha sorry.. I just threw that in there without thinking about whether or not it was relevant to futons. It’s just how I sleep.

And you’re welcome. Thanks for getting me motivated to get started on the draft of this futon post. I had it sitting in Draft for.. months as a “To Post” until you emailed me. Haha..

Laura says that if you’re curvy you should try out H&M Jeans, because they work on her and she’s not even a H&M Girl…

Thought I’d pass along the great tip for all you curvy girls out there.

Thanks Lauren!

But I’m not curvy at all, alas!!!!

Think rectangular, straight up and down, no real curves to speak of kind of deal, except for my round belly which is incidentally BF’s favourite part.

We’re a belly friendly home.

All jeans sag in the butt for me (well.. maybe not as much now, as I gained some weight in the past year or so), and I can never find jeans that fit my belly with my strange shape.

I have an expandable belly. I can’t explain it, but when I eat, she puffs out and is super round and people think I’m pregnant.

But when I am super hungry, or when I work out too much, my belly goes flat-ish and disappears as if I lost 10 pounds immediately.

It’s the oddest thing…

Second, Random stuff.

I Mad Men’d myself to exhaustion last night.

I came up with scenarios in my head of each outfit & item in my hand and this is what I got:

You too, can lose 2 hours of your life at Mad Men Yourself.com!

I am going to start using these images as avatars. I’m heading back into the pit to make some with different hairstyles this time…

Tally ho! I need to head into that sexist ad office to give those boys a good whipping.

And every woman needs a little snack once in a while to keep her curves.

I lost my starred emails in my Gmail

For those of you who sent me interviews and other financial stuff, please re-send it if you haven’t already. I’m sorry! I must have hit a wrong button and trashed them by accident or .. I don’t know what.

So sorry. Please re-send!

I am declaring my love of eggs.

I really love them. The one single food I could eat in almost any form or way it’s cooked.

Soft-boiled, hard-boiled, sunny side up, poached, scrambled, broken…

Mmm.. making me hungry for a little poached egg right now.

This guy was as gay as pink suede.. I swear…

Not that I care, but I was SO SURE I had this one colleague pegged as being gay.

Gay as pink suede, the guy lived in the gay area of Toronto and was just too clean to be straight (no offense). Anyway, he was charming and a bit too pretty.

Then I find out later on that he’s actually straight!

Married!

With a wife!

But apparently may have some confusion about his sexual orientation because he kept quizzing waitresses about who looked gay at the table.

She picked him out as the only gay guy, over the other gay guys.

And he was SO SURE he wouldn’t be picked as being gay. *rolls eyes* I think he’s in denial.

Cars that drive fast only to stop at a red light must be budding Village Idiots

I really don’t understand driving fast or racing. I mean, we’re not in a Formula One race of our lives. And on the highway, what’s so wrong with getting there 10 or 20 minutes later? Over risking your life by driving so quick?

In town, people drive fast to cut me off on the road, but then end up stopping at the same red light as I. Or even worse, they cut me off to get ahead of me for a light or two, and then since I wasn’t playing the Swerve Game, they end up behind me again because they got screwed by being stuck behind a parked car.

I need a vacation. And I’m taking one.

Sounds so stupid coming out of my mouth. I need a vacation. From what? I’m not even working!

I need a vacation from this blog.

I have too many ideas coming out of my head without enough time in a day or the energy to post all of it. And I put myself under these crazy time pressures sometimes.

I am totally knackered and just plain tired. If I don’t get my break and a recharge on my batteries off this 3 week vacation, I am on the verge of just letting the blog fade into the darkness, which is something we don’t want to happen at all now, do we?

3 days and counting!!!!!!

Oh and don’t be surprised if I just “MARK ALL READ” on most of my Google Reader when I come back.

I do that quite often these days, and I am dreading the 20,000 posts that will be there when I return.

I should really clean out my wallet more often.

I just found another $260 hidden in the folds that I had forgotten about (I am THAT good at saving money and hiding things from myself, seriously)… and made plans to have it deposited.

Okay, so how did I do for this month? Not too shabby if I say so myself!

To put it gently….

Income (Savings, Withdrawals, Refunds, Reimbursements..)

$1000 taken out of my Savings (Living Expenses, Other)
$500 taken out of my Savings for Travel
$260 cash found in my wallet (Bonus!)
$500 from a side freelancing job I got
$437.78 to get back in taxes
$108.62 from the blog ($100 of it was from Swagbucks which rocks. Rest from Google Adsense, PPP)

TOTAL: $2806.40

Whoa. That’s a hunk of cash right there that I’m not used to at all….

Since I only need about $700 to pay for basic expenses I have done so with just finding random cash in my wallet and a freelancing job I scored.

That means, this is the first month that I haven’t touched my Emergency Fund for Basic Living Expenses and I have stemmed the bleeding of my emergency fund!!!!

If only I could keep it up and get more freelancing jobs.

Huh.

EXPENSES

Basic Living (+ a small little 2 week trip) = $925.54

• $384.50 – Rent
• $231.98 – Groceries (we traveled this month)
• $15 – Internet
• $50.79 – Cellphone
• $40 – Public Transportation
• $97.25 – Home/Maintenance Stuff (we moved this month)
• $10 – Laundry
• $96.02 – Eating Out

• $1478.20 Upcoming August Trip (Hotel and Round-trip Flight)
• $1151.31 Other Expenses for July (includes medical)

TOTAL SPEND THIS MONTH $3555.05

Heh. Heh.

Well, some of it had to be done. Medical expenses were around $500, we moved to a new apartment and traveled back for 2 weeks..

I also picked up a pillow, headphones & a sweater for traveling, another $600 or so there.

All in all, not bad considering I also paid for next month’s 3 week vacation….

Here’s my cute pie chart:

FINANCIAL SNAPSHOT

Decreased by only $87… since I had so much extra money this month

Not bad, considering EVERYTHING I bought & pre-paid for, has been totally cleared off my cards.

ASSETS = $69,778.95

• Cash = $460
• Chequing = $311.06
• Other = $213.53
• Emergency Fund for 2 years = $24,000
• General Savings = $1513.11
• Retirement = $28,271.30 (BV = $32,198)
• Business = $13,009.95
• Car = $2000

LIABILITIES = $0

That does it for me! And the market is picking up. I’ve gotten more calls for jobs, but I had to turn them down because some were in weirrrrd cities I’d never fly to for a job.

FB GIVEAWAY (LAST DAY) & ONLY OPEN TO CANADIANS

Want to win this prize pack with a book, box of chocolates, 2 white bathrobes and some intense gel?

When I’m coming off an escalator, walking out of an elevator, biking on a narrow path, or walking in general.

I almost ran over a woman today with her kid because she stopped DEAD IN THE MIDDLE of the tracks without warning.

I had to swerve and scare a squirrel. I was so annoyed.

I mean, that big gold medallion on the front is kind of ostentatious but if they’re super comfortable.. who am I to knock it?

I should try them out in the store to check the hype.

The best meals are usually the simplest, homey kind of meals, like soft, deliciously glazed short ribs with some fresh veggies.

(Oh yes. BF made that too. )

Seriously people. Can we just make trouser jeans more often? I’m almost done with my only pair.

And how about throwing in some straight legged jeans, without strange whiskering, embroidery or slashes?

In a dark denim wash. Thanks.

Oh and maybe a stretchy waist that doesn’t make me look like a retiree.

When I tell people I like to read as a hobby they think it’s code for going out to drink in a bar and pick up strange men for one night stands.

Then when I say: No really, READ. As in, pick up a book?

I think I may have also stumbled upon a wonderful secret. Reading/working out your brain even while sitting, burns more calories than just sitting and staring at the boob tube — around 140 calories an hour I think.

Think about it. They pick up the poop of the dogs, they work hard to make money to feed them and buy them toys.. they build them mini mansions & feed them better than their own kids sometimes.

I have been a recent convert of the TV show Mad Men, and when Geek in Heels posted about this site “MadMenYourself.com“, where you can make yourself into a Mad Men avatar.. .I HAD to jump!

Here’s my facial close up (umm… so my nose isn’t really that large but that’s all I had to choose from).

I’d also like to clarify that I don’t wear blue eyeshadow. Thank you.

Isn’t my outfit cute!? It looks like I’m about to go riding Love it. And women aren’t really supposed to wear pants to the office back then