I was thinking about this recently, and I’ve realized that I don’t actually like actual gifts any longer.
It’s not to say that I don’t appreciate them, or that I don’t love the thought people put into them.. it’s more that I am feeling more sensitive to the impact it has on my life, and the Earth.
So, it’s why I only like food (includes going out to eat), charitable donations in my name, services (like to a spa), gift cards to a grocery store I shop at, or pharmacy, or actual cash itself, which sounds really bitchy, but let me explain.
The first thing is: I am not into ‘stuff’ any longer.
I had so many homemade things given to me like iPod cosies, joke magnets, candles, cheap things for the kitchen that I don’t use but looked ‘cute’, Dollar store tools that ended up breaking after one use.
All of that stuff pretty much ended up in the donation bin, with other friends just as a random gift, or in the garbage.
It just clutters up my home and my life and then I feel guilty for wanting to get rid of it.
The second thing is: I don’t want people wasting their money.
Quite frankly I am only interested in what I truly want to keep in my home, so I REALLY don’t want people to spend their hard earned money on something that they weren’t sure I’d like. And if I can’t return it and give them their money back or direct the cash somewhere else, then I feel frustrated.
The third thing is: It just causes more unnecessary waste in general
If I don’t keep the item, it goes to a donation box, or to someone else.
But in the end, the economic and environmental impact is that they bought something NEW (I’m assuming, unless it was a re-gift), that means a factory had to add more pollution to the world to produce, which then caused an increase in our landfill because I ended up tossing it.
The last thing is: I tend to practice what I preach (at least, I try to)
I don’t give gifts for holidays or birthdays. I take people out to eat, or I treat them to a spa day with me so that we can connect together for the day instead of giving them a gift I am not sure they like that they may just toss in the garbage.
I also don’t buy trinkets when I visit countries, I take pictures instead, or I buy a really special bag, pair of shoes, or a dress so that it’s useful.
I hate souvenirs.
I don’t waste money on items that I am not sure they want or need unless they SPECIFICALLY tell me that they wanted a T-Fal Frying Pan (for example, even though the Teflon coating will do nasty ish to your female bodies), but because I want it to be a practical gift that they will use or enjoy rather than my frantically trying to figure out what they could possibly want and ending up getting them something they half wanted that wasn’t practical for their lives at all.
Like a $5 cheap fondue set that I got one Christmas. I’d rather she saved the $5 or bought chocolates with it instead so we could share them together. I ended up donating the fondue set.
It might sound like a cop out to others, but unless I can eat it (this is where chocolate or homemade food comes in), or use it up without causing waste or more pollution indirectly, and/or benefiting society or our economy… then I don’t want it, but I accept the thought.
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Scott
on Dec 14th, 2009
@ 12:47 AM:
I agree wholeheartedly. I too dont give gifts, and dont like to receive gifts, unlike you, I generally dont feel all that appreciative to someone who gives me a gift I didnt want and will never use. I have found, in general, that most gift giving is done out of habit with very little thought to the individual in receipt of the token. I too would rather have spent time with someone – a dinner, a walk, a coffee…..as time I feel is the ultimate gift. As an adult, there is not much that I deny myself when I decide there is an item I need, and since I am the best judge of what I need and want, I would prefer that no one take a stab at deciding what they think I may like. I am sure that we are not alone, but may be in a minority of people who voice their views on the subject. I have no doubt that there would be a collective sigh of relief if more people discussed how they felt.
Alicia
on Dec 25th, 2009
@ 6:17 AM:
You took the words and thoughts right out of my head! This year my son and I received an inordinate amount of useless gifts from a family member who obviously doesn't know us very well. From clothes that weren't our style and not even our size to miscellaneous trinkets for various holidays that we have no room to store in our small apartment. It was more than disappointing to receive gifts that we didn't want nor had no use for, it has left me with a sickening feeling in the bottom of my stomach. …Time spent with someone is much more valuable and memorable than all the money in the world. Creating memories and experiences with people you care about is, indeed, the best gift one can give and receive. ~ Thank you for giving us your time and gift of honesty. Henry David Thoreau was not crazy either when he said, "Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!"
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Dec 25th, 2009
@ 10:16 AM:
Thoreau definitely knew his stuff!
I don’t like knickknacks for the most part (though some people do), and as for jewelery or clothing, I like to try it on, test the colour on my skin and am VERY picky…..
What have you eliminated that you do not miss? « Fabulously Broke in the City
on Jul 3rd, 2010
@ 10:30 AM:
[...] Giving and Receiving Christmas Cards and Gifts — I’d rather go out to have coffee [...]
Rose
on Jul 15th, 2010
@ 6:33 PM:
I agree. I hate receiving and giving gifts. I feel like someone is trying to buy my love. The greatest gift a person could give me is thier time; their ear to listen to, or a shoulder to cry on. This is priceless to me and can't be bought. I wish men would get that.
FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com
on Jul 15th, 2010
@ 8:46 PM:
I never thought about that, but you’re right. It is a bit like buying your love…
RLW
on Aug 6th, 2010
@ 4:31 PM:
I am a musician who is a friendly guy and somehow or another some of the older ladies in the weekly jam crowd got wind of when my birthday is. One of them had moved back east and still sends me extravagent gifts just because her husband's birthday and mine fall on the same day. I think gifts just place a burden on a friendship as one's reaction to a gift will always fall short of what the person who gave the gift expects, especially if you are anti-gift as I am. I like the time analogy that was spoken of in this thread. Time is really the ultimate gift one can give.
RLW
on Aug 6th, 2010
@ 4:32 PM:
I draw for a portion of my living and feel that the time I spend on a given work is more valuable than anything I may purchase for someone on some registry, though at least registries keep one from buying something entirely useless if there is no getting out of buying a gift, as in say a wedding. All in all I would rather not get them but conversely would also not just like a quickie email sent / received acknowledging a birthday. I think the best one can do when receiving gifts that many folks give compulsively is to do what an old high school drama teacher told me years ago when I said I had difficulty receiving praise from an audience member. He said, "Just say "Thank You.""