Fake it until you can make it
It was a weird revelation to realize that I had spent all those years hiding who I was, and I had given up on that facade only because I became exhausted of all the effort it took to lie to myself that I was someone different and it just wasn’t ME.
On the dating front, I also ended up (finally) dating guys by meeting them online and learning how to date (no guy in real life ever asked me out until BF (FOR REAL!) and it is strange, because he had to fight off many other guys who wanted my number as well. When it rains it really pours.).
It wasn’t until I went on a couple dates that I realized that I had the power to overcome my nervousness just by tricking myself.
I wasn’t expecting anything from the date, I pretended they were good friends I had known before, and my personality came out as a result, instead of being shy and awkward. I became interested in everything they said, even if I really wasn’t.
I asked about their figurine collection even if I couldn’t care less, and asked questions like: “how much are they worth in the end?”… “do they paint them a certain colour for certain characters?”…”how many do you have?”…”how did you get into collecting them?”
You know.
And I gained a lot of confidence in meeting strangers, and putting on a big smile and being friendly and at ease with them right away. It’s a handy skill at networking events or parties.
Just go up, smile, and say “Hi, my name is FB, and you are?”
A lot of my dates told me that I instantly made them feel comfortable, which made them feel like they could just be themselves instead of some shellacked version.
They told me they admired my ability to be comfortable on a first date, much less a blind date, and having met them ONLINE first (dating online was SO not cool when I did it 7 years ago so I hid the fact that I met them online).
I wish I had told them the secret – I was faking it all along, pretending to be comfortable and charismatic when I didn’t feel like that. Maybe it could have helped them in future dates.
I even do it to this day, during interviews or presentations.
I get butterflies just like everyone else, but I just calm myself down, I read over my resume, I point out great things I did in my resume to build myself up, and I remind myself that I am great at my job and I truly love it. (Which I do. That isn’t lying).
And I never, EVER start sentences with:
- “I know I don’t have much experience but…”
- “Well, I don’t know, but…”
- “Umm I am not sure, but…”
Those are suicidal sentences for me.
Instead, if I don’t have much experience or don’t know about something, I say:
- “I have done that once on a project, and I feel confident I can do it again.”
- “I have never found my lack of ____ to be a problem. We always find a way to make it work.”
- “I have technically not done that on a project before, but I know how it works and am confident I can do it.”
Which is all true. But sometimes you are not sure, not confident and shy.
So you have to trick yourself before you can believe it’s real.
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- The choices we make and the judgements we receive
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- Ordinary Pleasures: The Well-Kept Secret of little things that make you feel RICH
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- Just because the parents are smart doesn’t mean their kids are
