Visited my family the other day. Had a (rare) heart-to-heart with him about finances, life and even love.
Which is really strange because we’re not close family members, but I think he’s trying to compare what he was like at my age, to what I am accomplishing now. And after what happened on Christmas-day ish (i.e. getting chewed out by my Dad), I wonder what’s going on with the family dynamic now.
Anyway, with my brother and me, it’s kind of like a sociological experiment: If she turned out this way and ended up HERE, what would’ve happened if I did THAT?
Strangely enough, we went into two very different paths – me into IT and him into business itself.
Anyway, the point of this is that he just realized that he had spent over $100,000 in FURNISHINGS in the house. Like a $20,000 couch, $60,000 to remodel the kitchen, paint, new dining room tables, chairs… you name it.
I kind of half choked on the tea I was drinking and almost spat it out all over his new $8000 Italian leather chair I was sitting in (which by the way, was very comfortable).
And I had NO IDEA it was that expensive, by the way.
He makes about the same amount as me if I were to work 50 weeks a year, at 40 hours a week (not happening). And he’s a consultant as well, but a business consultant.
I asked him how it got to that point, and you know what he said?
FB, you say you will never get to the point where you’ll spend amounts of money like this, but I’m telling you – the more you make, the more you spend.
People just can’t afford this kind of lifestyle without making the money we make, but they don’t even know that it costs THIS much money to have this lifestyle.
Then it hit me. My brother is Mr. Jones.
He’s the one that everyone is trying to live up to and outdo, because he’s the one with the huge mansion, the 3 cars, the $100,000 in furnishings.
But what they don’t realize is that it takes a LOT of money to make the bare minimum on all that (think around the range of $400,000 if you factor in how much my sister in law makes), and even with THAT, my brother is kind of living on the edge a bit because he’s making 75% of the income.
If he lost his job, there is NO WAY they could afford to live off my sis in law’s income.
NO WAY.
Not with the mortgage, 3 cars, and 3 kids they have. But they pull it off so easily and casually that people THINK it’s possible on a dual income of $200,000 for example, but in reality, it costs twice what they could imagine.
And it costs twice what they could imagine, yet it’s still on the edge for my brother. They couldn’t go down to a quarter of the income (what my sister in law makes) and still afford to keep up with everything.
He mentioned that spending increases as your income does. But I want to try and avoid that mentality altogether and remember that things aren’t always rosy.
I know I had a lapse two weekends ago (that seem to be well justified), but I know how slippery of a slope that can be, and getting into the mentality of being able to spend because the money is so good right now, is a scary thought.
So it makes me wonder how much it really costs to have a comfortable life, and what that comfortable life consists of.
My idea of a comfortable life would be a 1500 square foot home (I think 2000 is a bit too large but it depends on the layout in my opinion), with two cars (not exactly brand names by the way), and being able to not worry where the money will come from to pay the monthly obligations for the next 2 years (hello, emergency fund!).
I know it may sound naive right now, but the larger the home, the more I’d have to clean, and the more stress I’d have only because it costs more money to run, and with the mortgage being fatter which means I have to work more!!!!!
Who wants that?
The perception of what a comfortable life for everyone should be changed because it is grossly unrealistic right now.
It has just gotten so bloated, out of control and unrealistic that no wonder people are confused about how much it takes to afford a ‘comfortable life’.
I mean, look at the mess everyone is in right now!
Everyone thinks that a 2500 square foot home is the average size for a home, we should have a car per adult (a new-ish one by the way), and we should be able to take a vacation every year, have all the comforts of technology and to be able to eat out at least once a week.
Well, HELLO!!? That kind of lifestyle costs a LOT of money and is not for the average person.
If you can’t afford to take a vacation this year because your kids got sick and you had to pay some medical bills, then you don’t take one just to ‘get away’ and say that you’ll just throw it on a credit card and pay it off next year… you just DON’T GO.
I propose that a comfortable life should be a financially secure life where you can feel safe if something goes wrong, like a spouse losing a job or a medical emergency doesn’t put you over the edge and running to 15 credit cards to fill the gap.
Not one filled with fancy locales to jet set to on a regular basis, fancy furniture in a large overly comfortable home where they only use half of the space and three cars for only two adults that drive, like what my brother has.
That, and his working like crazy just to keep up that lifestyle of what he thinks is ‘comfortable’ in life is not what real life is about.
We are just so different, and I’m happy we are.
- "G", If I Were A Rich Girl…..
- How to read an Income Statement
- In defense of the rich
- He just can’t leave well enough alone
- Cutting back on things you love
A Life Story of a Blue Eyed Mom
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 9:28 AM:
We are all so different and the life wouldn’t be so entertaining if we were the same. Btw, I love the idea of your comfy life (it’s just like mine), and that is the one that I want but my H is different. He loves brand names and much much more expensive stuff than me!
Mittsie
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 10:25 AM:
Your brother didn’t HAVE to get all that expensive crap … he could have just lived modestly, but he CHOSE the expensive crap.
And I agree with you about the larger house … more space to clean. UGH. I just want a small house with two levels and a finished basement.
Meg
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 11:02 AM:
AMEN!!!! I had several weddings and other large events to attend this past summer and thus had to turn down 3 of the brides-to-be when they asked me to be a bridesmaid. I just didn't have the money to attend all of the events (all were for people close to me, so I didn't want to skip out on any) PLUS be a bridesmaid (paying for dress, shoes, accessories, hair, bridal shower & bachelorette…for 2 girls…it's a LOT!). The girls were upset and couldn't understand why I wouldn't just put it on a credit card and pay it off later. Luckily they finally came around and saw why I had to turn them down.
Money Minder
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 11:32 AM:
A “comfortable life” means different things to different people. As long as your brother is happy, that’s all that matters. I hope they can keep it up.
adriana
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 12:32 PM:
I wonder if his industry adds pressure to his lifestyle? I don’t think that you HAVE to spend massive amounts of money if you make it. My dad makes a ton of money a year, but he lives very simply, considering. They have an awesome house, but they drive old cars, don’t eat out, don’t have tons of expensive things. So… I guess it’s really about how you want your life to be.
My idea of comfortable is along the lines of what my dad has. We have the big house because there are six of us and it had the number of bedrooms we needed, but it’s SOOO big. So much to clean, to heat, etc. I’d much rather have a small, cozy place, and tons of $$ in the bank.
C
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 12:55 PM:
While reading your entry, I couldn’t help remark how your brother and you reminded me of my relationship with my brother. I come from a fairly frugal family but my brother is a big spender. He’s the one constantly buying new clothes, shoes, etc to impress people at work. Sometimes I wonder if we’re related and came from the same family up-bringing. o__o? Did you feel like that too?
Frugal Trenches
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 1:11 PM:
Brilliant post. I think your brother's point is true of many, the more time we spend working & the more we earn, the more we think we deserve these luxuries. I for one would rather work 1/2 the hours and be with my family, explore my hobbies and interests and spend $1500 on a couch.
I love the last line.
So true.
Make Do Style
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 1:19 PM:
I’ve learnt the hard way that you need a cushion and you need to save a lot just to give yourself slack. I wouldn’t like to be living maxed out however nice a lifestyle.
Anonymous
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 1:33 PM:
Hey FB: totally unrelated but since you seem to have great taste in jewellery and clothes (based on your fashion posts!), I was wondering about your take on casual clothing styles for petite (ok, fine, short!) girls!
I have my work outfits all set up – stylish, chic, smart! But I flounder with casual wear – casual but smart, you know? There’s only so many times you can wear jeans in a week!
~ janePlain
Tova Darling
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 2:03 PM:
Ugh, I’m with you. Owning too much “stuff” stresses me out. My husband’s dad owns 14 cars. 14!!!! I get stressed out every time we go to his house.
Revanche
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 2:39 PM:
Your brother’s attitude sounds exactly like my brother’s, if he had made any money. Thank goodness we have different standards for a comfortable life.
LL
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 3:02 PM:
I’m glad we’re different too! When I’m home I realize so much more that I am the black sheep of my family and that I don’t want everything that they have. A 3000sqft house? 3 cars for 2 people? (Or in my uncle’s case, 3 cars for 1 person) A pool? No thanks!
I love living in my small duplex (800 sqft, I think). Why do I need anything else? I agree with you, the bigger the house, the more stress. Not to mention higher bills all around, who wants that?
I like the fact that I learn from my parents’ mistakes and that I know I will never be in their postition financially, I’m much smarter than that.
Keep up the good work girl, I really enjoy your blog and when you head out to Dallas, maybe we could meet up sometime when I visit my Joneses!!
Amber
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 3:03 PM:
It is true that your expenses usually do increase with your income. Often you don’t even realize how it happens. I think the challenge is to be really aware of what you spend and why, so that you don’t live up to your income. It’s why some people are financially independent pulling in $90,000 and others struggle to make ends meet at 3 times that.
Ashley @ Wide Open Wallet
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 5:58 PM:
I am constantly amazed at how much it costs to maintain a “normal” lifestyle. If I cleared my mind and guessed at how much our monthly expenses are I would guess half of what they actually are.
When I was a teenager I thought if you made $50,000 a year you would be able to have a “normal” life. Reasonable house, two decent but not fancy cars, bills paid,a few kids, limited financial worries. HA! I was such a fool!
poor boomer
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 6:15 PM:
“And you know something’s happening/ but you don’t know what is/ do you, Mr. Jones?”
- Bob Dylan, Ballad of a Thin Man
MoneyMateKate
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 6:24 PM:
Unfortunately, most people need to financially screw up in order see the flaws in their habits and thinking. I reckon it’s better to do that in your 20s by picking the wrong student loan repayment plan or charging up $5000 of clothes for your first “real” job. I don’t even know your brother and now I’m worried about him and his little kids!
Natalie MacNeil
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 8:23 PM:
All the ladies here seem to have strong values that mean so much more than material things.
This post made me think about the incredible Warren Buffett who still lives in the 5 bedroom house he bought in 1958 for $31,500 and uses coupons!
suzie wuzie
on Jan 6th, 2009
@ 9:46 PM:
i reckon that the more u earn, the more you ‘can’ spend. i found that out during my early years when i got a parttime job during uni and now at the end of my first year at work. but then i don’t think you need to spend it and choose the expensive stuff. sure the rare occasional one is good. but now i choose carefully what i spend my money on
kokostiletto
on Jan 7th, 2009
@ 12:42 AM:
FB i totally agree with you! i don’t want a big place either b/c i hate cleaning
people buy into that luxurious lifestyle and that is the problem…
TStrump
on Jan 7th, 2009
@ 6:40 PM:
Great post!
I think it really hits home the true cost of trying to keep up with people and put on an ‘image’
$8,000 for a couch?! Rediculous!
Hopefully, your brother is happy.
rschaap
on Jan 8th, 2009
@ 12:49 PM:
Great points, love the perspective you wrote. We just moved into a 2000 square foot house, me and my wife, and to be completely frank – it’s almost too large. We have a basement and a 2 car garage (what I needed), and outside of that… if everyone has a room to themselves, it’s luxurious.
Amy
on Jan 8th, 2009
@ 12:51 PM:
After reading “Your Money or Your Life” 14 years ago, I decided that a “comfortable life” entailed a 800sq. ft. condo (paid for), no debt, lots of money in the bank and absolutely no worries about bills. I also found that I’d rather pay for experiences than things so we live simply and cheaply and go to Europe once a year to see friends. Unfortunately, I have become a money hoarder and it’s quite difficult to relax and spend a little. That was my New Years resolution, by the way, to ease up a little!
mOOm
on Jan 19th, 2009
@ 8:06 PM:
We live a pretty comfortable life on the equivalent of $US 50k per year. We rent a 2 bed 1000 sq ft apartment in a nice neighborhood near the centre of our city, have one 2004 large car bought secondhand, use business travel to help pay for “vacation travel” (we went to China / Hong Kong in October) eat well at home, eat out and moderately priced places about once a week. And we’re even saving money (apart from retirement contributions). Our furniture cost in the hundreds of dollars range not thousands. We don’t have children though yet. When I get a good job too sometime soon hopefully I don’t think our lifestyle will expand by a lot. It will by a little. Our saving will though.
I don’t think it takes huge incomes to live a nice comfortable life and you don’t need to be crazy frugal either. Just get good value for money in your expenditures.