This is what I heard out of my friend all of last night.
I can’t move
I can’t lose weight
I can’t budget
I can’t find a job
I can’t find a boyfriend
If you complain all of your life about everything that’s wrong and then don’t take action, you’re an idiot with hot air.
I’m sorry if I’m being harsh but you are.
Let’s start with the first one.
I can’t move
She won’t move because she says it’s a hassle and she has bad credit so she can’t get landlords to sign an apartment over to her. Well, first, having her finances in the hole means that there was a deeper problem with her budgeting that she should’ve been more careful with (do I smell credit card trouble?) and at least she’s aware of it.
So I thought of alternatives and I suggested roommates, but she doesn’t want to live with others even in a better place. She’d rather be on her own, in a really crappy situation with a landlord above her, and renovations keeping her up late at night and interrupting her studies, than to move out to a NICE place with a roommate.
Being the negative person she is, she says that the roommate might be a real freak and she would have to deal with their BS and she just couldn’t handle that.
Uh, I totally get it, I used to have roommates, but how can you even say that without even experiencing the roommate? Get an investment banking, consultant or music student roommate. You’ll never see them, guaranteed. They’re like gold dust.
Whatever. I get it. She wants to stick it out in the craphole she’s in. Fine.
I can’t lose weight
So what, you go out and buy half the grocery’s stores Oreo cookies and all the pop you could carry to stock your cupboards?
She eats when she’s stressed but why not limit the temptation and just keep healthy food as snacks instead? I don’t get it. But I kinda do because I love chocolate. Hehe.
Still, the girl eats Nutella out of the jar!!!!
I can’t budget
And her reason is because she don’t got any cash. Uh.. honey, you just told me you have $2000 left in the bank. Doesn’t that count for cash? You gotta pay your rent? So work out a budget of what you can pay at the most and what you can live on as a the bare minimum, then get yo ass to the nearest minimum wage shack and WORK.
WORK GIRL, WORK!!!!
I can’t find a job
Scratch that.
She just doesn’t WANT to get a job. She refuses to get an interim job at Starbucks to make her bills and her rent in the meantime, because she’s banking on this $22/hour teaching job that her friend is supposedly gonna hook her up with.
Whatev.
If she relies on someone else for a job, she’s dreaming. Girl isn’t even working right now, she’s living off her student loans and bitching about her situation because her student loans are about to run out.
In the words of Offspring: “HEY HEY HEY WHY DON’T YOU JUST GET A JOB”
For real.
I’d get 2 jobs! As many jobs as possible so that I don’t eat as much (lol, that’d fix the not being able to lose weight bit), and I’d be able to pay my bills and budget my money because I have income coming in. No?
Doesn’t that sounds reasonable?
I can’t find a boyfriend
Who wants a mess?
I hate to be politically incorrect, but who the hell would hook up with that?
Girl got no job, nothing lined up, ain’t bringing in money, is apparently fat (I haven’t seen her, only messaged her), seems to be lazy, can’t even manage her money, and is a pushover by staying in her current housing/renting situation without dealing with it and getting her life in order.
Whine whine whine whine.
Shut up, and take action. GAWD. I almost wanted to lose it on her and bust it all out last night on her ass, but I figured since my advice was NOT being solicited, I was gonna save my breath until she came around and realizes she needs help.
People, if this story reminds you of …well, yourself, ask for help.
We all know y’all need it, just ask. Everyone is willing to help. Seriously. We’re all here for you – friends, family, even this blogger.
But what you SHOULDN’T do, is sit on your ass and not take any action on all the points that you know are wrong in your life, but bitch about it on MSN to me at midnight.
 |
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- Toronto’s Garbage Worker Strike
- Weeding out the lazy ones
- Just because the parents are smart doesn’t mean their kids are
- Making me laugh.
- Shut up and listen to yourself.
Frugal Urbanite
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 7:10 AM:
If she’s whining this much, she’ll NEVER make it as a teacher.
Everyone thinks that teaching is an easy job, but it requires a ton of work both in and out of the classroom.
She sounds like Mr. He has an excuse for EVERYTHING. For example:
‘I can’t exercise, it bothers my asthma.’ Which sounds logical, but it’s only vigorous exercise that triggers him. He could still walk, but ‘the treadmills are always full.’ Couldn’t he use the other machines” ‘The Elipse is too short for my stride and the bike makes my butt go to sleep.’ Could he walk outside? ‘It’s too hot/It’s raining/It’s too cold/It’s too humid/It’s too nice out.’ Then why doesn’t he go to the gym at another time? ‘I can’t exercise in the morning/I’m too tired after work’
The end result being he’s 30lbs overweight which aggravates his asthma and is, frankly, not attractive.
Sorry, didn’t mean to go on a rant there, but it felt good.
Twiggers
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 7:49 AM:
LOL Don’t we all know people like this!!! They annoy the heck out of me!
Elisabeth
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 8:34 AM:
Great post; I hope your friend takes your wonderful advice!
suzie wuzie
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 8:38 AM:
ahh! those sort of ppl!
L@SpillingBuckets
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 8:39 AM:
Wow, thanks for that.
I have several friends who (for various reasons) make me feel the same way – frustrated, wanting to slap them.
One friend constantly puts herself in difficult situations and then complains. Example: waited until the last minute to find an apartment after school last year, so couldn’t find a place she could afford and lived with us (on the floor (we have a 1 bedroom)) for the summer. Then found a job, but not local, so had to take 2 busses or bike 10 miles each way. Didn’t apply to local jobs and complained when her job was too far away. etc… She puts herself in these spots and then asks for a pity party…. ugh.
The other friend works a crap job and doesn’t save any money. Then complains she doesn’t have any money but proceedes to go out to eat 3-4 times a week. She’s ok, (i.e. getting by without more debt) but won’t be able to do that much longer after loans kick in for repayment.
Sorry for the rant, and thanks for the post. Made me feel better this morning after talking to friend 1 and getting frustrated again.
Andrea
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 8:50 AM:
You’re absolutely right.
My additional observations:
1. She’s putting negative energy into the world. Who would hire or date her with all that negative energy?
2. The negative self talk is distracting her. If she’s in a situation with available men (or possibly work networking opportunities) but is lost in negative thoughts, she’s missing opportunities.
3. Self fulfilled prophecy.
4. There is a middle ground between minimum wage and $22/hour. It’s called temping with an agency.
5. It sounds like she prefers to enjoy playing the victim.
6. If she were to meet a man who complained about all these things, do you think she might label him a “loser”?
@Frugal Urbanite: I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but a number of people with asthma find themselves cured after getting on an exercise regime. Too bad that alone isn’t enough of a kick in the ass for Mr. Also, “too tired after work” is lame. Once you start exercising, the endorphins rake over. Dude needs a personal trainer.
Rose
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 10:11 AM:
These are your FRIENDS?!?
While I don’t disagree with your take on their problems, I do take issue with you blasting them on your blog. If you feel so strongly about each of their situations why don’t you tell them (except the one w/the apartment issues)?
As for the others, I think you are being really judgmental. I’ll go ahead and put myself out there because I have whined about those very things to my friends.
Upon returning from living overseas for four years I became depressed at how difficult it was for me to find a job, and worked crappy part time jobs that I did not want, while living in a friends basement. I was depressed, gained weight, wasn’t dating, etc. I hated the situation that I was in, but wasn’t doing much about it except bitching about how much I hated it. I was naive about the amount of work it takes to get a job (which is basically a job itself), how much money I would need to get a place of my own, etc. After 10 months (!) of living rent-free with others and working my crappy part time jobs, I entered grad school full time and got a house with roommates.
Currently, I work full time, am in grad school full time, nice apt. w/roommate, and go to the gym, date, etc. I STILL whine about my life to all of my friends, I’m a glass half empty kind of girl.
I’m not putting my situation out there to be like look what I’ve done, but rather to emphasize that even though your friends are whining about their lives, maybe they are doing something about it (just not in they way you would). Maybe they just want to whine, or maybe they are depressed! I don’t know you or them, but perhaps instead of putting them on blast, you should find out if they are dealing with depression or seriously do not know how to get out of the situations that they are in. Just because you have been able to accomplish a lot in a short period of time does not mean that they have the same ability to do so. Rather than judging them for whining, let them know how you feel and support them.
Otherwise, perhaps you need different friends.
I was a broken record for those 10 months, but my friends listened and kept telling me it would all work out, and it did. The friends that harped on me to get my shit together really pissed me off, because I knew that I would figure things out eventually, but in the moment, I only wanted someone to listen and agree with me.
Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth, and sometimes what they need is to hear the truth. You know better than me what your friends need – I just want to give you another perspective, and I hope you reread your post and ask yourself how you would feel if you were one of your friends and stumbled across this blog.
Ginger
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 10:18 AM:
Ooohhh man, I’m totally with you on this.
For some reason people feel that they can tell me anything… which is usually ok. But sometimes I get real winners like the one you had, and I just don’t know what to say.
Their lack of action and perspective is very frustrating sometimes. But sometimes all you can do is let them whine a little, then wait for them to come back to your for good advice. I think we’ve all been there at some point.
Good on you for holding your tongue, FB!
Sharon Rose
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 10:40 AM:
Some people just can’t be helped and need to work things out the hard way, I think.
feli
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 11:08 AM:
I use to know a girl who whines like this, told her to get off her ass and stop making excuses.
I know we make excuses all the time but if you are not willing to make the change or do something about it then, don’t whine about it.
Lys
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 11:22 AM:
Listen – I normally let my friends vent to me and vice versa, but if its constantly on the negative, then that friend and I have to have a “Come to Jesus/Moses/whoever” chat and I tell them – You get what you put out there. If you don’t do something, your situation WON’T change. Clearly, this friend is not doing anything to change her situation.
Perhaps, Rose, FB is putting this out there so the situation WILL change for her friend as a wake-up call? Just another perspective – that’s all.
Harmless Queen
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 11:58 AM:
You are 100% right. She doesn’t want to help herself, so why should you try to help her.
I have a friend just like her, and she annoyes the crab out of me when i talk to her on the phone or meet with her for coffee. I get home so stressed and pissed, that I can’t even talk to my husband for at least an hour.
Get up and do something wiht ur life!
Secretista
on Jul 17th, 2008
@ 2:49 PM:
Yes! Excuses are for children!!
Anonymous
on Jul 18th, 2008
@ 7:39 AM:
Wow I’m with Rose.
These are your Friends!?
OK we can all get frustrated if we see people making bad choices but come on. Do they really deserve this public shredding which, I’m sure is certainly not what they were hoping for from you? If you cant offer anything less toxic and hurtful maybe you should leave them to figure things out on their own and find some other friends who match up to your standards
Fabulously Broke
on Jul 18th, 2008
@ 6:31 PM:
To answer quickly to Rose & Anon
To clarify, she's a friend of my ex. But we just ended up keeping in touch with each other only because we were girlfriends of guys who were friends, and I occasionally chat with her just to see how things are going. But I don't actually call her on a regular basis or hang out with her.
I DID give her all that advice above, but in a much nicer tone.
Girl kept throwing excuses at me, one after another.
I just ended up repeating what I said about getting another job etc, and in the end she kind of promised she'd look for an interim job, but I'm not holding my breath.
I didn't give her any more advice because it's unsolicited, and why should I help her when she can't help herself?
If she read this post, she wouldn't be mad at me, that, I can guarantee. She'd pretty much look at the post and say "Yep,that's my life."
And that bothers me to no end because she KNOWS its her life, she KNOWS it's true what I'm telling her, but she's still throwing to skate past it all.
For the record – it isn't my ONLY friend. More like an acquaintance. I don't ever talk about my real friends on here only because they're great and they don't do anything f*cked up like that. Besides, if I did talk about my real friends, it'd be positive, although this blog is not about being lovey dovey – more ranty danty.
Rose – I am being judgmental. You've got it. I'm a big judgmental bitch who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut because the reason why I get pissed off at her is because I want to help, but since she isn't a gooooooooood friend, I don't want to really bother.. And it's not just HER, it's people in general that I'm ranting at, and she's the example.
I even told her – look if you need help, give me a call, here's my cell, we'll go out for coffee, my treat and we'll work things out.
She hasn't called.
Even if you're depressed, you wouldn't want to turn down a free coffee and to kind of listen to someone to take direction from, even if you don't end up taking the advice in the end, it's still helpful.
I think you're totally on the wrong track because I've been (and am) in her position in a lot of ways, in terms of my career and what I've done in the past, but for all of those times, I've had a small pity party for myself for about a week or two, then I got down to business doing an action plan to change what I hate about my life.
That's what bothers me the most – inaction.
twentysomethingandclueless
on Jul 19th, 2008
@ 5:26 AM:
God, people like that drive me nuts!! Next time, pretend you’re away…!
erji
on Aug 3rd, 2008
@ 4:26 AM:
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