I wonder what it’ll feel like once I’m out of debt. It’ll be a hot mess train wreck of emotions I think.
Will I feel ecstatic? Thrilled? Scared? Happy for one minute, then depressed because my net worth isn’t at least 60k at the age of 25 like some other amazing PF bloggers?
If I feel scared, will it be because now I know that I have no excuse to get back into debt (although I do have to add that my debt is from student loans, not from credit cards), but still. I don’t think I’ll feel like I’ll have the right to go out and spend $500 on a whim for some shopping spree because all I would be able to think about is: $500. That could’ve gone into my bank account.
I’m even rethinking the entire idea of purchasing one splurge item to celebrate getting out of debt.
Maybe my splurge item should be a great dinner out with BF (umm.. all dressed up of course!) and to spend $200+ on a good night of food and being with someone I love, rather than purchasing a ridiculously expensive Diane von Furstenburg dress for $500+ USD that I can wear, but will be scared to do so, in fear of staining it, ripping it, getting it dirty, and then having to pay for the drycleaning bill.
It will most likely sit in the back of my closet, a reminder of the $500 I could’ve saved in the bank instead of spending it, and it will continue to cost me money for the rest of my life (drycleaning bills).
And at least with the dinner, it will last a few precious hours, taste amazing, and I’ll always have the memory (for free) of what that night felt like. And I won’t make me feel guilty for NOT wearing it. I mean, hell, it’s not an investment that’ll earn me money in the later years, and y’all know I’mma get fat off all the good food BF is feeding me and not be able to fit into the dress any longer, and it’ll just be a waste of cash in the end.
Or maybe my splurge should be to refresh my wardrobe essentials. My denim trouser jeans that have been worn about 50% of the year to all my business-y stuff, is starting to look worn (still wearable for another 2 years), but worn. I’d like to find a replacement pair, and to get another pair of perfectly cut, wonderful, pajama-like heather tweed straight-legged trousers, because my other trousers are starting to show their age (5 years and counting, and the threads are coming off the sides of the seams)…
What if I feel depressed? I know it sound ridiculous and very odd (c’mon FB, you’re being a big whiny baby, you’re OUT OF DEBT *God that feels good to say it, even for pretend and typed on a blog to everyone*), but all I will be able to think about at the end of the year is:
Oh my god. I’m out of debt. YAY!. But. BUT… I only have a net worth of 17k.
I know it’s more than most people my age when you run the statistics; I know I’m really far ahead at my age; I know that other people aren’t as fortunate as I am in terms of having such a bright future ahead of me with a high earning potential as I get older and hopefully, wiser but when you see those exceptional superstars at 60k to 100k in net worth even at that age, it kind of makes you feel a teensy bit depressed.
It makes me berate myself. It makes me feel a bit awful that I “wasted” (in my mind) all those years in University when I could’ve been even MORE frugal, and less of a shopaholic and concentrate on debt or at least saving my money ahead to repay the debt instead of spending some of what I earned on what is currently being almost given away for mere pennies to the dollar.
But then again, when I start thinking that, I feel a bit selfish. Maybe I’m making y’all feel depressed because you’re in the middle of debt and you still have a good 3 – 5 years to go, or you haven’t even started yet. In that case, I feel callous and a bit braggy (is that even a word?) for whining about being out of debt and only with a 17k net worth.
I guess I just have to remind myself that life isn’t a race to get the most money in the bank. I know it may seem like that because there’s nothing else concrete enough to use as a standard or a benchmark as to compete or compare yourself to other people, but it’s hard not to get sucked into that mindset.
So back to getting out of debt…
Maybe the final emotional rollercoaster will be:
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY
“I’m DONE my debt! Life is f*cking amazing, I’m going to go on a shagathon with BF all weekend and go out to a fancy dinner with him to celebrate.
And eat a whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s Coconut + Sesame Brittle ice cream Yes…. And I’m going to use a big “spoon” out of Kit Kats to scoop the ice cream into my mouth.”
….followed by a Fierce Sense of Pride
”TAKE THAT, Government of Canada! I’m done WAY ahead of your stupid 10-year schedule, and done my loan faster than you thought I could clear it even though you screwed us royally with the high interest rate at 8.5% to keep us all paying the interest like suckas.
HAH.
I’m not gonna be some statistic who makes the kind of money I do with the education I got, and ended up blowing it away on some fancy downtown King Street Toronto shoebox apartment for $2000/month…”
…followed by a slight wave of Slight Depression…..
“OK I really have to start saving for a decent emergency fund because I do want to be financially secure and to be able to tell my employer FU any time I want… but that means…
…..Jeez…..
I should keep living the way I’ve done before – frugal, on the cheap, and to lay off the clothing, shoes, makeup and all the stuff that used to make me smile before. That’s the only way I’m gonna be able to save $1500+ a month. But it’ll be worth it.
”
…..sprinkled with a hint of Chargrined Paranoia……
“Wait. Will that be enough? $1500 a month?
What’s that in a year? Like $18,000?
That’s a lot of cash, but it’s only in a YEAR.
Not one MONTH.
Gawd.
Can I cut my budget down even further? Like to be able to save at least 50% of my net income and live on ONE paycheque? Let me do the calculation….. Okay, I can maybe swing 2k a month but that’s if I seriously watch my ass.”
….switching over to some Unbridled Envy….
”Wish I was an i-banker. I could be saving almost 100% of my income because I’d be sleeping at the office and not even in my fabulous shoebox of an apartment in NY, and with no social life I’d be rolling in the cash in a year.”
….tempered by a wave of Guilty Beration
”Shut up FB. There are people out there who would LOVE to have your problems about how much money they could save a year.
Do you know what $18k is?
No?
It’s a lot of f*cking money.
People are happy just to be saving $100 a month, which is $1200 a year, so SHUT IT or you’re gonna get b*tchslapped… by yourself.”
….ending with a Blissful Sense of Freedom
Baby, I’m DEBT FREE!
(With a big tub of Ben and Jerry’s and some KitKat spoons)
FB Side Note: Big E-Hug and Thank You
Umm.. for some reason Feed Burner doesn’t tell me when people link to my blog *unhappy face*
I’d really like to go to your blogs and at least leave a comment and thank you for linking to me, but because I can’t seem to get a list of my Top Referrers or even where people are linking me, I’d like to give a big thank you and e-hug to everyone for doing so!
P.S. If you’re one of my Google Reader Friends (:D) Thanks for “sharing” posts (Go Angela!!) that are very well written by people who are linking me. Can you believe it? LINKING TO ME. ME, of all people!
I got this huge warm kind of fuzzy feeling in my tummy when I read this post where he mentions my blog. It gave me such surprisingly little thrill like no shopping spree has ever done for me in my life.
- FB Financial Life Recap
- Positive Net worth is just so close I can smell it
- How much is enough?
- Louise over at Eliminate My Debt reviewed my Budgeting Sheet!
- Should we all save 8 months of EF and just pay our debt minimums now?
~Angela~
on May 12th, 2008
@ 10:20 AM:
Okay, so technically I don’t have any debt right now, and might be better off than you in some ways. But my net worth is about 10,000. And that’s American dollars, which we all know are worthless right now. And you make a TON more than I do. And I’m about to go back to school where, even though the school is covering my tuition and I’m getting a stipend (which, for a student, is like hitting the jackpot), I’m going to a tiny fraction of the amount of money I’m currently making.
So calm down. You’re doing a lot better than most of us.
~Angela~
on May 12th, 2008
@ 10:21 AM:
Haha. Was that “Go Angela” directed at me? (It just links to this post, so I wasnt’ sure).
Fabulously Broke
on May 12th, 2008
@ 10:22 AM:
Angela: You’re right.. I’m a huge paranoid baby! LOL… I know it, but I think it’s a point we all reach when we don’t have to climb uphill any longer.
It’s like we get to the top and go: Gee… now what? downhill? Or set up another goal to climb again?
Oh and that go angela was for you
I wrote it on the train so I couldn’t find any other link than that one LOL
Megan
on May 12th, 2008
@ 12:22 PM:
Please don’t ever be envious of I-Bankers…while yes everything you said is true, it super sucks. While my bf loves his job, he can’t wait to get out, and even the people who plan on staying in I-banking the rest of their life can only sustain the hours for 2 or 3 years at most. Be really happy you are out of debt! (and try not to worry so much about the other stuff, or at least take a few months off before worrying about it)
Living Almost Large
on May 12th, 2008
@ 12:56 PM:
Have you considered that you might not be living such a cheap life in a year? Moving, changing job, chaning lifestyle. What are your future plans? Going to live at home, save to buy a house, might need a newer car?
I know you are a major traveller for your job, but will you continue or give it up for a job you may have to rent an apartment and all costs associated with it?
Sorry for spending all your extra money on something boring and stupid. Go out to a nice dinner and replace all used clothes with good quality ones. I know you’ll get your $$$ out of it! You’ve proven it!
Frugaleconome
on May 12th, 2008
@ 1:07 PM:
Great post! Thank you.
It’s normal that you feel this way, you’re happy that one step is done, but on the other hand you know that there is still a lot to do.
It’s good, it keeps you motivated
Ms. MiniDucky
on May 12th, 2008
@ 1:32 PM:
It’ll be all of that. There’ll be that moment when you’re looking at all you’ve done, and that reminds you of all the mistakes you’ve made. There’ll be the moment when you’re looking at all you CAN do now that you’ve freed yourself, and you’ll remember all the things you should have done. But at the end of the day, you’ll know that you’ve made it this far and you’re going to go much much further before you quit.
Believe me, I may not have had my own debt, but I sure as heck spent TOO MUCH of my own money paying off family debt. And I kick myself when I think about how much more I would have in the bank now had I not done that. But at the same time, I have no idea what other kinds of mistakes I would have made instead. So I chalk that up to the my Bizarro Net Worth. BNW = the money I had to pay just to get on even ground so I could start over.
Also, I realize that there’s this weird feeling of only going uphill to increase net worth now, instead of working to fill in the debt-hole. It actually seems harder, somehow.
Valley Girl
on May 12th, 2008
@ 1:45 PM:
FB, Technorati will show you who links to your site.
Anonymous
on May 12th, 2008
@ 3:03 PM:
Also, you could open up a savings account and put what would have gone to debt, in there.
It’s like your first paycheck when you’re 15; you buy something totally fun with the first paycheck, then you put the rest into savings.
QuiteLight
on May 12th, 2008
@ 4:30 PM:
It’s tough, but don’t beat yourself up over past DECISIONS. Not mistakes; you learned from them, you won’t make the same decisions again. You had to do those things, make those calls, to get here.
I chant this to myself. A LOT.
I think whatever reward Feels the most valuable to you is the right one. Sounds like you want a decadent dinner; go for it! All the money in the world can’t buy good memories.
Auburn Kat
on May 12th, 2008
@ 8:17 PM:
I really think that you have to treat yourself in life. Yes, it’s important to not have debt, but it’s also important to enjoy life!
Fabulously Broke
on May 13th, 2008
@ 1:11 PM:
Living: You’re totally right.. my life would NEED a car in Dallas, and insurance would be a bitch, plus a while whack of expenses.. That’s a really good point. Ugh I better make more money LOL
Frugal: At long as I’m going uphill eh?
Ms. Miniducky: LOL!!!!!!!!!! past mistakes, I totally beat myself up over it. I guess with debt, it’s a hole to be filled and you can see it be filled up until a certain point “0″
but with net worth, it’s unlimited, which debt is not (technically yes, but no creditor will lend UNLIMITED amount of cash to someone)…
Val: THANKS!
Anon: I really like that idea. I have a spare savings account – I may just do that after I save a healthy EF and a healthy FU fund…
QuiteLight: aww..
Thanks 
I just think that in general, I’m pretty hard on myself at times
Auburn: Yep.. I think I may replace a couple of items in my wardrobe (trousers) and def. go out for a great dinner