Update on Divorce
The thing about breaking up is things disappear. I mean, you buy everything together to use jointly.. but then when Ex left, he took the good suitcase we bought together, and I’m stuck using a bookbag. I’m glad I don’t have much to carry (the gaming systems were taken by him and all the other BIG things were his), so I can manage with a bookbag and a laptop bag.. but when I get back “home” I need to go suitcase shopping (and/or use my little carry on from now on), and a new laptop bag.
Looks like that’s my Christmas ‘wish list’ for myself this year. I’m going to buy quality so it lasts.. my laptop bag is driving me mad with how much it’s tearing on the inside and things keep getting lost.
What else..? That’s about it I think. Two major purchases.
Plus I still have to hustle the money to pay for the papers for the divorce. Not that I don’t trust you readers, but I went to torontodivorce.ca, but it seems kind of shady, he doesn’t list a number or anything I can call.. he just wants a money order and the papers? I want to know that my money order isn’t going to disappear for no good reason…
Update on BF
Yes, we’re in the first blush of romance, so things are going swimmingly.. and I’m actively looking out for signs that he may be a freak (see: Sex and the City Episode “The Freak Show”)… so far, nothing weird. Maybe a bit too organized and logical for my personal tastes, but it’s refreshing to finally have someone who has hsa life together (mais oui, he’s a decade older than me!).. and I love that I’m learning a lot from him and vice versa.
It’s turning out more as a partnership than what I had with Ex. With Ex, it was me being the breadwinner, making all the dough, and then on the weekends I had to do laundry because he hated it, and if I felt like cooking, I cooked. But I think subconsciously, my mind went: Sooo.. if you don’t cook or clean, what are you good for? I feel bad saying it, but it felt more like I was babysitting and providing for a child than really being with a lover and a partner.
We reverted right into not being fair to one another. If I work and make the money, the least he could’ve done was keep up with things like credit card statements, fixing insurance, and handling the day-to-day things so that I don’t have to when I get back to the hotel room. But he washed his hands completely of anything financial and ‘family-like’ because I was better suited to it in his mind.. but I would’ve preferred a stronger interest in it.
I don’t know. I think I felt used in the end.
His parents would visit Montreal all the time and stay in our hotel room (fine, we have a 2 bedroom room), but when I suggested MY parents to come up, he pulled the longest face in history and vetoed the idea.
Didn’t sound fair to me…. maybe my parents wouldn’t have wanted to come up, but I wanted to offer the option at the very least.
So, with this one, I’m taking it slow. Slowly checking off the list of things I like and don’t like…
So far so good:
- He can cook.
Like, REALLY cook. ‘Nuff said.
- He’s experimental in foods.
He’s not a fan of certain cuisines but at LEAST he’s tried them instead of turning his nose up and saying: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW GROSS. He’s open about food, which is something Ex was NOT. We couldn’t even go to any restaurant in the area I wanted to try because he always wanted a place that had a burger or a sandwich. And most ethnic restaurants don’t cook that stuff.
- He is fair and considerate.
We split the purchases, I take him out once in a while, he does the same for me, and we share that way.
- He actually makes some money of his own.
I hate to put this one, but it’s true. It’s a huge relief to have someone making a second income. You know, if Ex had even gone to a grocery store and offered to stock shelves at night to bring in SOME cash, I would’ve been more than thrilled. But that kind of work was “below him“, so he didn’t even bother.Which.. bothered me, now that I think about it. It’s not even the money, it’s the fact he didn’t want to try. He could’ve even prospected for website and design jobs for me to do when I got home at night or on weekends, and lined up clientele, so that I could just do the work and he handle the sales and organization part of it… but I had to handle all that on my own because he kept saying he didn’t know anyone who wanted a site, or whatever so I had to find my own clients.
- He’s not at all concerned about appearances or image.
This was a huge plus.. I like that he wasn’t looking for someone based on looks (what most guys do), he was looking for my personality first, and good looks were just a bonus for him..Even if I was hideous he’d still think I’m attractive because personality changes a person’s perception of another, and that is something you learn from experience.
- He doesn’t care what others think.
Really. I thought it was a joke, but he really doesn’t. He just wants to be happy and he’s not afraid to give me a kiss in public or hold my hand. Which Ex was totally paranoid about. He didn’t think it was appropriate to hold hands or show affection.
- He’s a natural gentleman.
Really… I’ve never been treated like this. So when I mention surprise or I thank him for something I think is above and beyond, he looks surprised right back at me because that’s just the way he is. It comes naturally.
So… I’m sitting comfortably on a futon, overlooking a fabulous view of Montreal and the rivers, and my BF is making me a special cake just because he wants me to be happy.
I hope it lasts… it seems to have gone quite quick in my opinion, moving in 2 weeks from light dating to near co-habitation. But it seems so natural.
And he’s one of the rare ones I’ve said to myself immediately (cautiously of course): This is someone I could be with for the long term.
I didn’t feel that way about Ex, and I’ve only felt like that with two other bfs in the past, but they didn’t work out for various reasons (one was not a fit in terms of making life goals and sticking to them, and the second was paranoid about everything I said and did).
Ahh.. l’amour..
