Finding the money to do what you want (from a "Sex and the City" perspective)

It has never ceased to amaze me how far women will go to be able to buy what they want, be it shoes, a copy of the latest Vogue or a new outfit for a hot date. Some women give up food and/or beverages, and others, just spiral further into debt. But somehow, women manage to find a way and the room in their budget to afford these items, no matter how impractical. I sure as hell am guilty of this, but now, instead of scrambling to find money to buy a magazine or a pair of new shoes, I’m actively trying to find that extra little bit to put towards my student loans instead.

No episode, or show for that matter, quite puts into perspective what I’m trying to say, than….

Sex and the City

Carrie: “I wanted to be a writer, I made myself a writer. I want a ridiculously extravagant pair of shoes, I find a way to buy them.”

Her desire, and her intense visualization about her end goal, made her expend time and energy into becoming a writer, as well as finding the money to purchase $500 shoes. She could’ve spent that same amount of effort and time, into figuring out how to save $500 to go towards a down payment on her apartment!

I do think that what she says resonates with many women out there, and while I do feel that we personally are to blame for our out of control spending, the industry does make it ridiculously easy to not only obtain credit, but to spend it (see: celebrities in the media, television, shows like Sex and the City, and magazines).

In recent years, there has been a disturbing rise of reports outlining people’s shopping habits, and what it’s doing to their credit. Metrics 2.0 cites that the Federal Reserve has reported Consumer Credit being at a record level of $2.35 trillion in July 2006.

When comparing that to The Motley Fool’s stats in 2001 that the number used to be $1.7 trillion, that’s a $72.3% increase in consumer debt in the last 4 years yet 78% of U.S. households are deemed “credit worthy”, which leads to the reason why $8,562 is the average credit card debt carried by an American, which means 1.3 million credit card holders have declared bankruptcy in the last year. And this is just in the States. In Canada, the numbers are similar.

CBC Marketplace reports the following:

There are 50.4 million credit cards out there, which is about 2 or more credit cards per Canadian, and out of that, 22.2 million carry a balance.

Average Canadian household debt in 2004 through personal loans, lines of credit and mortgage debt: $69,450.00

Estimated household debt (mortgage and credit debt) owed by Canadians in 2003: $731 billion

Estimated household debt owed by Americans: $8.4 trillion

Estimated personal savings by Canadians: $9.39 billion

Estimated personal savings by Americans: $191 billion

Standard credit card interest rate (average): 18.9%

In Sex and the City, Carrie’s lifestyle is completely unrealistic, but yet I too, am sucked in when I watch it, I think “Wow.. I could do that. I’d like those shoes…”. The show hints at the financial predicament she’s in, but never shows how it really plays out in real life. I think if Carrie were a real woman, she’d be eating beans out of a can, and the show would have her phone ringing off the hook between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. with creditors calling and asking Carrie to pay her bills, and she’d have bags under her eyes, stressed out, crying, going to banks to try and negotiate another deal/offer to keep them at bay. And she’d probably be drinking like a fish and smoking to alleviate her stress!

I haven’t personally experienced it, but I’ve definitely see the effects of it: the constant worry and stress, the shame when you go to the grocery store and your debit card or credit card is declined….again. It’s tough.

And the show seems to glamourize Carrie’s lifestyle and showing a fantasy lifestyle that seems attainable because she touches lightly on the tough financial situations such as either buying her apartment with a down payment or be kicked out to another non-rent controlled apartment. The real rub for me, is that in the end, they gloss over the details, and her life seems like it works out in the end (because she ends up finding rich friends and rich guys who want to marry her – yeah, how realistic is THAT?)

I mean think about it – her down payment came from Charlotte’s huge Tiffany rock (about $40 grand); she married Mr. Big in the end who is a multimillionaire; her friend Amalita in the beginning buys her expensive Dolce & Gabbana shoes… this an obviously a farce. Sure, she has some fame from being a writer, but realistically speaking, it’s telling women that you can be financially irresponsible, blow a couple grand on Jimmy Choo shoes and end up dating politicians and other powerful movers and shakers, all on her piddly writers salary. But also, not to worry.. a knight in shining armor will arrive with oodles of cash, enough to make your worries disappear with a single kiss.

It’s no wonder we have a warped sense of personal finance and what’s affordable and what’s not. I almost caught myself the other day, thinking that $200 for a bag was AFFORDABLE. Yes.. compared to $5000, it is! But it’s extravagant, compared to the $30-$80 I normally spend on a (nice) purse.

If I were in Carrie’s position, I probably would’ve Ebay’d all my items (such as that ugly Laura Ashley dress circa 1990), and used that cash to build a portfolio for retirement. I mean, was she going to write forever? Or was she just waiting for some rich guy to come along and save her from her financial woes? This is what women are internalizing and fooling themselves into thinking that their future husband will take care of it all. Well what happens if you divorce? Or if your husband dies accidentally without life insurance? You’ll be left with no retirement plan and no way of taking care of yourself – a penniless divorcee or widow.

Shopaholics are no joke: MSN.ca

It’s easy to joke that there’s a bit of the shopaholic in each of us. But for those who truly have a compulsion to buy, it’s not a funny problem at all.

Jackie, 59, of Toronto* has a closet full of clothes for her grandchild – outfits in many sizes; winter coats, spring jackets, and more than 10 pairs of shoes. Almost all of them have been purchased on sale. “I just can’t pass up a bargain. I also like to plan ahead,” says Jackie.

The thing is, Jackie’s daughter Kate, 28, was just married this summer – and isn’t even sure she and her husband will be having children. What does she think of her mother’s “planning ahead?” “I’d rather she saved the money for her retirement. I worry about her because I think she owes a lot of money on her credit cards. But I don’t feel too bad about it.If she weren’t buying that, she’d be buying something else. She shops all the time.”

Jackie quips, “Only when the stores are open.”

Underneath the good natured ribbing, there is Jackie’s not ready to say whether she has a serious problem or not. “It’s pretty harmless,” she says, but admits that she doesn’t “see retiring any time soon” (due to lack of savings.) Her daughter is more concerned. “She has too much stuff and I don’t think she can stop.”

Professionals haven’t come to an agreement as to whether compulsive buying – called compulsive shopping disorder by some – is a real disease. It is not currently a recognized psychiatric disorder, but it is being considered for inclusion in the profession’s “Bible” – the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder. It would likely fit into a category of disorders called impulse control disorders, which include compulsive gambling and kleptomania (the impulse to steal).

It is certain that individuals suffer from what seems like an addiction to shopping. They shop when they are depressed, frustrated, or experience other negative emotions, and experience a “high” from the purchase. They may have many, many more things than they need – one compulsive shopper is reported to have owned 55 cameras. Clutter and hoarding behaviour can make their homes unlivable.

Jackie admits that she gets a “shopper’s high” and that she often shops when stressed. “It makes me happy to own nice stuff…. I like thinking about the next generation wearing things I picked out.” She jokes that it’s “retail therapy.” Read the rest here.

All I’m saying is that “retail therapy” is fine once in a while, but only if you do NOT go on a spending spree when you know you can’t afford it, even if it’s for others – they’d feel better if you kept your money and saved it instead of spending it on them and making them feel like they have to reciprocate. This goes for the upcoming holidays too! This time of the year should be all about getting together, not trying to outspend each other on getting fabulous gifts and bragging to your cousin about what you got from your boyfriend/husband/lover/admirer.

If you know you can afford it and you budget for it, and it won’t make you miss your life’s bills like the rent/mortgage payment/bills, then by all means, treat yourself but don’t make it a regular occurrence or a crutch for things that go wrong in your life. Consider the long-term consequences, and whether you’ll experience ’shopaholic guilt’ at overspending.

I guess the moral of the story is: You can always find money to do what you want in life. It doesn’t matter if you have a low income, because it’s how you prioritize where your money is going, that determines what you get out of life.

If you want that vacation, then make that your priority and save for it. If you (desperately, desperately) want to get out of debt and buy a home, then visualize that as your end goal and make it happen. It’s possible. Even foregoing $5 per Vogue magazine per month, will be $60 at the end of the year (or more, with interest), that can be a small start you on your way to flying to the Caribbean and basking in its warm sunny glow.

Related Posts:

• Fabulously Unrealistic
• The Alternative to Cash & Credit or Debit Cards
• What would you do with your old credit cards?
• Finances and Marriage
• Taking the cake for Lifetime of F*ckage Achivement

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